Malapropisms

Not in So Many Words

2012-01-15T15:49:00.000-06:00

Ecc. 5:1-7
Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools ; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few. For the dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words. When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy thework of your hands? For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God.

I have come to the conclusion that we, as people, and I, myself, say too much. There are many words that are spoken, few of which are notable, meaningful or memorable. Words must be used for utility, communicating logistics for everyday life. These words can't be avoided; they simplify and improve efficiency. "Since you're going to the store, could you pick such-and-such up for me?" This just saved time and gas-- just one example.

Other than that, a lot of what we communicate is not necessary and takes too many words. We talk about other people and it typically digresses into the realm of negativity, the result of which is not life-giving to us or the people we're talking about. We say too much to each other, that which we should say to the Lord. Yet, I find that when I bring my comments to the Lord they are not necessarily things I would say to the Lord.

I asked the Lord for a focus for the year-- an over-arching theme. He spoke "reverence." How, then, do I live a reverent life? To revere Him, I must remember to whom I am speaking when I am praying. The One God, Master of the Universe, creator and sustainer of all things, and the one rightly judges me and all people. Therefore, may I let my words be few.

I blogged on this verse before: "For in many dreams and many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God." I don't want my words use to lead to emptiness; I don't want to give into the need to fill the silence for no good reason. I don't want to give into day dreaming about what my life could be, into fantasies of what I wish my life would be. Rather, may I fear God. Here. Now. May I be content in waiting on Him in the silence, focusing my attention on Him, giving Him reverence and letting my words be few. May I be content with His presence, here in the present that I may be present in this moment to the great I AM.

I heard once that the English language has hundreds of thousands of words whereas Hebrew has tens of thousands, each one rich with layered meaning and significance. Every word which God has spoken in the Biblical text was supremely purposeful, each phrase could be studied for years without excavating a fraction of its depths. Each word was perfectly placed, a transcendent expression of divine intent. How often do I say things that I regret? Usually when I start talking without thinking. Just talking. "Hasty in word" and "impulsive in thought." And, as we learned in elementary school, the toothpaste is nearly impossible to put back inside the tube. May I become more like the Lord, with purposeful words and less verbal regret.

So at the risk of violating my new resolve to try to speak fewer words with more intention and reverence, may the Lord bless you with nearness and profundity this year, in waiting on Him in silence. He is always speaking.

Word Art

2011-12-26T23:12:00.001-06:00

I made these for some family members for Christmas. I then transferred them to canvas using a brilliant and fascinating method taught to me by Cass VanB.

Romans 12:2 for Dad

Micah 6:8 for Mom

Ecclesiastes 3:11 for little baby D

For Real

2011-11-21T20:38:00.001-06:00

"Nothing, there is nothing yet in truest form

We walk like ghosts upon the earth

The ground it groans"

"The Fall," by Gungor from Ghosts Upon the Earth

"I believe you're more real, than what my eyes can see,

I believe the hills are full of a mighty angel army"

"God of the Angel Armies," Jonathan David Helser

"Cobb: She had locked something away, something deep inside her. The truth that she had once known, but... she chose to forget. Limbo became her reality.
Ariadne: What happened when you woke up?
Cobb: To wake up from that after, after years, after decades... after we'd become old souls thrown back into youth like that... I knew something was wrong with her. She just wouldn't admit it. Eventually, she told me the truth. She was possessed by an idea, this one, very simple idea, that changed everything. That our world wasn't real. That she needed to wake up to come back to reality, that, in order to get back home, we had to kill ourselves."

Inception (the film, 2010)

"For now we see obscurely in a mirror, but then it will be face to face. Now I know partly; then I will know fully, just as God has fully known me.

I Corinthians 13:12

"For we are not struggling against human beings, but against the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers governing this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm."

Ephesians 6:12

It's not a mistake that this generation is becoming more and more aware of the spirit realm, the reality of what is (most times) invisible. If I were to take a little more time, I could find more examples of songs, movie quotes and pop culture references within and without Judeo-Christian expression that nod to the realm that is "other than" what we see and touch.

Just the other day a blonde athletic-looking man in an oversized business suit in his later 30's approached me at the coffee shop I work. Wondering why he was lingering by the counter, I asked if I could do anything for him. "I took some halucinogens the other night and I think they messed with my brain chemistry..." (didn't see that one coming). I continued to ask and probe and he continued to talk to me about he believes in the "physical and spiritual plane" and that they are connected, he believes in God, heaven and hell, even Yeshua. How does this all connect? He believes these things and yet is looking for a higher experience; clearly he wasn't satisfied with just a stockpile of knowledge.

Another person at the mall, when asked about his religious background, said he believes in God, yet he had traveled the world and studied under some of the most renown Buddhist and Hindu thinkers and sages. He seemed to not have found "it" yet, but questioned the sincerity and motives of the Christian offer of the experience of God.

We all are yearning for transcendent experience. Yet the source of that experience matters more than anything. We all know there is a reality of worlds and being that are other than the kingdom-phylum-class-order-family-genus species we experience each day with our five senses. God, reveal yourself to us, to me, to my people. Open up our senses beyond the five sight-smell-hearing-touch-taste, that we could sense You, know the truth, and the spiritual realities of good and evil that affect everything we do. Satisfy our hungry hearts by showing Yourself as the One who is more real than the ground I'm standing on, more real than the breath in my lungs.

"You're more real than the wind in my lungs

You're more real than the ground I'm standing on

You're thoughts deﬁne me, you're inside me

You're my reality

Abba,I belong to you"

"Abba," Jonathan David Helser

I love your house; it's so architectural.

2011-11-21T20:17:00.001-06:00

Sometimes someone goes and writes something that I've been wanting to write, but way better than I ever could have. This is the case with this blog post by Michael Gungor.

He writes a very accessible and well-constructed evaluation of the Christian music industry. In light of the Burst Into Song You Mtns. project (That will happen. One day. When we get to it, eventually.), some of his points were really well-spoken and a synthesis of a lot of what we've all observed.

For those of you without the time or energy to read the whole thing, here are notable quotes, in my opinion:

"I had a conversation with John Mark McMillan last night about something that I think is very interesting. By the way, I consider John Mark to be one of the ones I consider to be making a valiant effort in transcending some of these imposed limitations in this industry. But he mentioned to me how strange it is that people keep calling his new album “creative.” That word is actually one of the most used words when people describe our music as well. In fact, I bet some of you reading this have described as such. Here’s the weird thing about this…
Why do you find it necessary to say that?

Do you notice that nobody really uses that word about other types of music? I just was perusing some Itunes user reviews to see if this holds up. I checked John Mark and mine, and “creativity” is very often found. But it’s not often found in reviews of bands like Sigur Ros, Bon Iver, Radiohead, Sufjan Stevens or other artists who are certainly very “creative.”

Nobody goes to an art gallery and says, “boy, that painting is so creative.” Why? Because it’s art! Of course it’s creative! Why else would it be there? It’s very nature is creativity. Or like Lisa pointed out to me today, “that would be like saying, I love your house, it’s so architectural.”

But when someone in the Christian industry actually takes their art seriously, everybody is like “holy crap, listen to how creative it is!”

"Yes money matters. But so does beauty. Art actually makes a difference in the world. Have the courage to actually make decisions on values and not simply on past numbers and trends. And for crying out loud, if it really is good, the numbers will follow eventually anyway."

Can I get an amen?

The Lonely Life of an Apostle

2011-11-21T20:01:00.001-06:00

Donald Miller is the only current pop Christian writer who I still like and would recommend. This excerpt from his book, Searching for God Knows What provides insight into the humanness of apostle Paul that I never would have seen (but man, I wish I did. Then I would be rich and famous and popular among the trendy Christian community. One day...).

If you don't have the time or energy to read the whole thing, read these:
"For the first couple of days in a new town, Paul probably felt completely alone. I see him like this when he talks about how he wants to go home and be in heaven but stays on earth so he can write letters and preach. I see him writing by candlelight at a stranger’s table when he talks about how he has this thorn in his flesh and can’t get over it and prayed about it three times, but God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
... the guy was passionate, like he actually believed this stuff was true, always going off about heaven and hell because he knew life has extremes. One minute he talked about how disgusting sin is and how it hurts God in His heart, and the next minute he said he would go to hell for people if he could, how he would die for them and go to hell if they would just trust Christ. It’s really hard to read that stuff because it gets you feeling guilty about not loving people very much, and then you feel very thankful for people like Paul because it means that if a person knows Christ, they become the sort of man who says difficult truths with his mouth and yet feels things with his heart that make him want to go around and die for people. It’s quite beautiful, really."

yet untitled

2011-11-12T21:28:00.001-06:00

A little girl darkened the door of the old cathedral at dawn. That is to say, her shadow was cast across its towering doors as the morning beams of orange and warmed pink creeped up over the horizon and onto the stone sidewalk behind her.

Ding-dong

The resonant sound of the bells inside the echoing walls of the God-aimed monstrosity made her jump slightly as she pulled the ringer rope.

A man in a grey robe opened the the door with an overdrawn creak.

"Welcome, little one; we've been expecting you."

She gazed up at him, eyes widely soaking in his wrinkled, over-sized countenance.

"Expecting me?" she inquired as she cocked her head at a jaunty, inquisitive angle, "I just came here to wonder if anyone would like to buy a flower." She gestured with her bent arm upon which dangled a wicker basket filled with cut chrysanthemums.

The clergyman chuckled to himself. "Yes! If flowers were prayers then you could call this place an arboretum! Then again, perhaps flowers are prayers..." his thoughts seemed to trail off as he squinted at the morning light that now bathed him. Seemingly regaining his state of mind he motioned her in with a wave. "Anyhow, come on inside, young one. "

The girl gave a tug to the bottom of her tightly buttoned yellow cardigan (quite matter-of-factly) and trotted lightly yet intentionally inside.

"If prayers were flowers," she began, dinner plate eyes scanning the cavernous enclosure, moving up one wall, across the domed ceiling and down the stained glass on the other side, "then I would make a much more notable profit with my business."

"Oh, yes?" he inquired.

"You see, my expenses to produce would be nothing, and I would never run out-- in and out of season!"

Again, he laughed to himself, though this time more loudly and lively. "I am happy to have found that sprouted youth who kneel before the Holy One are still being cultivated in this day and age."

"You should be," she stated emphatically. "My mother says that our people are going to hell in a hand basket. That's why I've decided to carry flowers in mine."

With a grin the man of the church plucked a dark red mum from said basket and brought it to his nose. "With some baskets of flowers and prayers, perhaps there is hope after all," he spoke dreamily, as he exhaled the fragrance of the mum with enjoyment.

...

Sweet!

2011-11-08T20:58:00.000-06:00

Scientist Mohamed Babu from Mysore, India captured beautiful photos of these translucent ants eating a specially colored liquid sugar. Some of the ants would even move between the food resulting in new color combinations in their stomachs.

from visualamor

p.s. this is the sort of thing that makes me think i might switch from blogger to tumblr. it's a much more convenient sharing machine.

I told you so.

2011-10-22T21:02:00.000-05:00

(that I would get back to writing. it's not a story but it's something.)

Drink of My Tears

You squeeze out my tears into Your bottle again.
My spirit responds to You with watered eyes;
the arrows of your eyes pierce my thunderhead.
Tears like rain washing down a dirty wall
descend my face
like the way You wash over my tarnished heart.
Jesus, Jesus, drink of my tears.
I see You hanging on the wood;
You thirst.
Here, Jesus, drink;
drink of my tears.
They can't help but fall
when You move,
when You walk into the room.

The Island

I swam out to a lonely island
in a gray sea
under a thickly misted sky.
I felt cold;
there was no one with me.

The water, like abandoned dreams
and people who left us,
kept me cold.

My breaststrokes divided the water
as I propelled myself under it.
No longer did I walk the shores
of this sea of lonliness.
I set out to find You.

You set my feet upon a rock
wide enough for me to stand.
I was surrounded by water but
You gave me solid ground beneath my feet.

Patient patient patient One,
Why'd You leave me waiting here?

You said that You have not forgotten me;
emphatically so.

Unrocked, unwrecked, yet unwritten
alone here,
alone there, with you, somewhere.

Cyclone of light, I see it coming down.
Suck me up into higher places;
make me to transcend this place
for You are more real than here.
Take me up from this lonely island.

The reality of You whispers above the roar of the silence,
and if I can't see You, I look for You inside my heart.
For even when there is no ground or light,
I hold onto You-- I cling to You
like there's nothing else
for there. is. nothing. else.

Suspended in darkness
or raptured in light
I can't flee from You,
for when I run
You chase me.

Writing Again

2011-10-18T09:07:00.001-05:00

{The best writing advice D.Mill has ever received.}

I would like to actually start writing again. That's the whole reason Malapropisms exists anyway.

On that note, for those of you who didn't catch the update on Arrows of Hope...

Attention all poets,writers, artists, and prose-producing thinkers:

You are invited to participate in the first edition of the communityliterary magazine, The Circadian.

We will be accepting submissions in the followingcategories: short stories, essays (creative nonfiction, passionate theologicalessay, comic blog post, etc.), short plays or screenplays, poetry, graphics andvisual art (most likely black and white print capabilities only).

Submit in as many categories as you’d like. Please limit yourselfto two submissions per category. All poetsare requested to include three poems per submission, unless your poem isextraordinarily long. If your writingdoesn’t neatly fit into one of the three categories, submit it anyway andsuggest your own category. Full theses or dissertations will not be accepted,however, due to space considerations.

The deadline for submissions is January 1.

All further questions can be addressed to Susan or Kait viaemail.

Susan: arrowofhope@yahoo.com

Kait: kaitlyn.rockrohr@gmail.com

Too true.

2011-10-17T20:26:00.001-05:00

InsideOut

2011-09-30T10:17:00.000-05:00

InsideOut

fighting against what is with a mighty weapon:
faces.
see: the people
working toward
of, by, for.

grow up when want i to be a street artist i.

Paul's take on the Law

2011-09-07T16:58:00.001-05:00

"Any teaching by Paul and the Law must take note of his key foundational statements in relation to Torah as God's revelation, as well as a reflection of His eternal standard of right and wrong. So far as the Law reflects this eternal standard of God, it is irrevocable. As such we should note there verses:

Romans 3:31-- faith established the Law. "Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law."
Romans 3:2 states that the Law is a gift of God.
Romans 3:7 teaches that the Law defines what sin is, while Romans 6:1-2 says we are not to continue to sin.
Romans 7:12 states that the Law is holy. "The commandment is holy and just and good."
Romans 7:14 states that the Law is spiritual; 7:16 that the Law is good.

In the Law the great wisdom of God's standards is revealed. Only the Bible reveals an infinite, personal, ethical God!"

Dan Juster, Jewish Roots, "Paul, Israel and the Law"

Baby Albums from Lowercase Noises

2011-09-07T09:10:00.001-05:00

First there was...

and now there is.

Welcome to the world, Vivian. Our ears thank you for coming.

Mason Jar Music Presents

2011-08-25T14:36:00.001-05:00

White Owl video

2011-08-24T16:32:00.001-05:00

Hey girl, let's go down, wash our hands in the Carolina tide...

2011-08-23T22:01:00.000-05:00

Here is a little window into my vacation at the Outer Banks with the Randy Rockrohr's 2011. What a big fat blessing! Especially since it ended pre-Irene and we returned to D.C. just post-Earthquake.

Home is where you hang your hat. In our case, that was at the local KOA. In my case, specifically, it was the TBlakes trusty Sierra by Design. Thanks guys! We were constantly chuckling to ourselves that all the other sites had massive campers, pop-up trailers, and party buses with spinning rims and we had a minivan and a u-haul. Staying classy.

Did you hear about the new Blackbeard film that's coming out? It's rated arrr!

We took the ferry to Ocracoke island....for $FREE.99! Car and all!

It looked a little something like this.

Let's just say Rosko didn't stay dry for long. There was a lot of unanticipated dog fishing that went on.

We survived my first attempt at kayaking. Note the kayak high five. A little blurry, but you get the idea.

I sort of liked it on the island.

Special island horses of Spanish decent with one less vertebrae than a typical horse.

This sign was seen on the side of a bait and tackle shop. The fisherman and the bird people don't necessarily get along.

On the deck of a seafood joint near our campsite, back on the banks, facing the sound.

Late night beach side campfire.

It may be hard to tell in this pic, but this particular marshmellow was unstoppable.

On our last morning of camping we actually got up for the sunrise...

...but it's never too early for throwing it up!

maria tries her hand at some photog + we love each other.

If you've never been to East Asia, this is what it means to pose for a pic Asian-style.

If I had an fb, this would most certainly be my new profile pic.

I told Aunt Gee that she was being literally Christ-like. I actually don't know how I will be a clean person when I'm not around her anymore. She is the most hygienic lady I know, which also left me very impressed at her camping abilities.

And that's just scratching the surface. mm mm good. I spent some great times with the Lord on top of all the fun, and for all you JMM fans, I'm coming back like a baby.

Flowers feel like flowers.

2011-08-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

I am still washing off the residue of Gnosticism that coats my worldview. Sometimes I find myself subconsciously delegitimizing or trying to separate myself from my emotions. For instance: There is a particular thing that I desire to do or to have that I know will require patience. I still feel the desire, yet on the other hand I want to submit to what He has for me because that's obviously best, even if I disagree in the moment.

I'm linking this to Gnosticism because of its emphasis on spirit v. matter, in which spirit is valued above the physical/material realm, the realm where we walk and talk and feel happy and sad and everything else. I'm linking feelings to the physical/material realm because they are an innate part of "humanness." With Gnostic thought, divine knowledge is exalted above the human physical experience and the goal is essentially to transcend the real world. This kind of thinking is still lurking in the church world, especially in charasmania where the end goal tends to be a transcendent, mystical experience.This has great value, but if the importance and value of day-to-day life and general humanness is de-emphasized then it's problematic.

I keep feeling the Lord point out that I am, in fact, a human being (believe it or not) and that He made human beings to feel and experience. He wants me to be in those feeling places with Him, to include him in the process, to invite Him into my heart and what I'm experiencing there. He does not expect me not to have emotional reactions nor should I deny them or experience them alone. Sometimes in Christian world we infer that we are expected to be bulletproof, unaffected by anything, which is not realistic.

Simple enough, yeah? So here is a story.

There was a job I had been pursuing for which I already had one interview. After playing phone tag with a guy from their HR dept. I was informed that I was not going to be invited back for another interview. Now, I knew that this was the Lord's sovereignty, that the door was closed on purpose. Plus, it was a position at a large company, which isn't my cup of tea. I had an ends-justify-the-mean mentality in going for the job, thinking that the ends of paying off school loans and the resulting freedom would justify the means of working for a corporation. But still.

Despite recognizing this was how it was meant to be, I still felt sad. Thoughts such as, "What did I do wrong?" and "What's wrong with me?" "Why do they hate me?" and "I'm a disgrace to the family name" murmured back stage. I told the Lord that although I accepted this outcome and trusted it was for the best, I still felt this way. I felt permission to feel what I needed to feel for a little while.

Jessica Youmans texted me to ask about the job. I told her that I didn't get it and was trusting it was the right thing, yet I tagged "but, rejection doesn't feel like flowers."

Later that night, I arrived at our small group and Jessica pointed at a vase of beautiful, freshly cut blossoms of white and green and said, "those are for you."

"What for?" I inquired.

Without skipping a beat, she said, "Because rejection doesn't feel like flowers."

Flowers feel like flowers!

Upon later reflection, not only was I touched by her kind gesture of encouragement and thoughtfulness (she picked the perfect ones! Sorry, no picture), but also I saw how the Lord really moved through her to confirm what He had been teaching me. Yes, we accept what falls from His hand. But also, we get to have the space to experience whatever that is, honestly and genuinely with Him. Disappointment, rejection, shame, guilt, anxiety, happiness, desire, passion-- He wants it all. Isn't He great to give us challenges that sharpen us, and then also surround us with people through whom He moves to comfort us and to share it with along the way?

Thank you Jessica. Thank you Jesus. Flowers feel gooooood.

Kite Party 2011

2011-08-05T08:31:00.004-05:00

I am spoiled. Hopefully not rotten.

Some brave souls came out to celebrate with me on the hottest day of the year. My smile was so big I couldn't feel the heat.

Cass and my mom put on a whimsical and wonderful kite party for me for my bday. Maasen was kind enough to take some pics for me, the camera-less. What a blessing!

the spread

my mother's handiwork, of course. the veggies are carved into flowers, and if you can see it, i have a bday message spelled out in cheese-its.

needed more wind..but please note that big cass MADE me that kite. wawaweewa, where does all the creative energy come from?!

i am loved.

ang trys her hand at flying

my youngest brother and his friends had recently invented a new frisbee game that proved to be a hit. we spent much of the evening on this due to the lack of wind.

team rockrohrrrrrrr + sam = total domination. or, at least in the first game.

he tried so hard!

quit gabbing and play, boys.

muh girls

she made that sign. another example of her superior making skills.

cass surprised me with one of the precious figs from her tree, a truly sacrificial gift. mmm....

Father of Lights, you continue to delight me with the good and perfect gifts you shower down from above. I open my arms to you and lift up my face to feel your radiance. Thank you for my family and community and the way you overwhelm my heart through them. May we all enter into the new season of fullness, movement, joy and love as you break forth into our little world. You are blessed above every other name, and I am humbled that you would look down on me with such favor to give me all of this. Thank you for another year to live, move and have my being in You.

I love you, my friends, those who could be there and those who were there in spirit. If all I had was all of this....dayenu!

our prayer in august air

2011-08-02T08:48:00.002-05:00

father of lights

you do not change like shifting shadows

your nearness is the august air

our skin responds in sweat

you stifle us with your heavy nearness

rain rain rain rain

our arms are wide open

our faces looking up

all these good and perfect gifts

are showers from heavenly places

you are the giver of seasons

each one purposed for its own beautiful time

we know nothing of what you have done

beginning to end

we have noidea

who are you?

who areyou?

where do you live?

we make our home in you

we look for you, the unseen

we live and move and have our being

in you, the infinite

that which you have set in our hearts

we have not understood

but you stay here close like humid august air

The Cusp

2011-07-29T07:39:00.001-05:00

Season of folly
Season of darkness
Season of telling my hands not to do
Season of crying
Season of sitting
Season, the season of waiting for you

Breaking me slowly
Watching me melting
Raking me out and wringing me dry
Left me there lonely
Dark before daylight
Then burst out like fireworks on 4th of July

Bring me in gently
Bring me in quickly
Fold me in closer to feel your embrace
Kiss me there sweetly
Gaze, ever-reaching,
Drawing me nearer to your tender face

Eloquent dignity
Shadowy mystery
Come, be drawn out; sit down next to me
Breathe on me warmly
Tell me your secrets
Let's run away somewhere no one can see

One Hand Waving Free

2011-07-15T09:03:00.002-05:00

You danced a goofy dance with me this morning

in the holy place of my imagination.

After the Friday sun peeked slyly from under the horizon

You said You’d never give up on me.

I laughed. I cried. It was better than despairing.

Yesterday I rode my cart through the grocery store like askate board.

Casting awkward looks aside,

I sailed, undaunted, north to the plastic cup aisle

because I don’t have a job in a month.

In the middle of the ditch

I realize I’m not so stuck.

And money, love and futuristic visions

don’t show me who I am

or secure me.

My security rests in who I know-

the You I know.

I’m running and jumping through this empty church

for no good reason

except that I’m alive and I can.

Where are we going? I don’t know.

How do we get there? C’mon,

let's go.

Songs of Water

2011-07-14T09:54:00.001-05:00

Maybe you will enjoy this music as much as I am...

www.songsofwater.com

Asheville Music Festival 2012

2011-07-12T08:10:00.000-05:00

I have been ecstatic and inspired by the concept of this event ever since I heard about at the Tikkun conference last month.Now their site is live!

Here's the vision for those who haven't heard:

"In the summer of 1969, forty young Jewish Yeshua-believers gathered together in Asheville, North Carolina, for what would prove to be one of the great turning points in the modern-day resurrection of Messianic Judaism. These young people conducted their own meetings, elected their own officers, and held their own teachings. As a result, the following year, the “Young Hebrew Christian Alliance” (YHCA) was officially recognized by the Hebrew Christian Alliance of America. A movement of young Jewish believers was born. Asheville ’69 activated a generation to step into callings that would awaken Messianic Judaism from its centuries-long slumber, thereby preparing the way for all Israel’s coming encounter with Messiah Yeshua.

One generation later, the movement returns to Asheville. We return with the shared vision of a music festival: a stage, a field, and over 1000 people—connected with the Messianic Jewish community in Israel and the Diaspora—young and old, gathered together for three days of live music from promising young artists within this community. This is not a conference; it is a raw, groundswell gathering that wells up out of the hearts of young people in this community, who desire nothing but to step beyond the land of “what is” into the frontier of “what can be.” Like the pivotal gathering of young Jewish believers in Asheville, North Carolina, one generation ago, it will be a harbinger and catalyst for salvation, for renewal, for unity, and vision."

I am convinced that many in my community, as well as the body in the KC area at large, have pieces to bring to the table for this. It's not only a music festival, but many art mediums including visual, poetry, dance, drama and more.

I am especially excited to discover new Messianic artists as my music selection the past few years has been hacked away by the hatchet of conviction (thanks Cass for the music project you've been pioneering). Music is spiritual. To use a phrase of Tom's, let the warrior poets arise! Let sounds resonate through the atmosphere, into the cosmos and penetrate the darkness! To me, there is a big void of quality and originality among artists who are seeking to produce edifying music. I'm excited to see a rise in creative momentum among the people of God that will define the trend for our generation! I don't really know what kinds of artists will be there and what the things they produce will look and sound like, but I am very hopeful.

Check out the AMF12 site for a bit more info, although it seems they're still in the preliminary stages and have a lot of "coming soon" type notices there.

Beyond the Blue

2011-07-11T08:21:00.000-05:00

Yellow and gold as the new day dawns
Like a virgin unveiled who waited so long
To dance and rejoice and sing her song
And rest in the arms of a love so strong
No one comes unless they’re drawn
By the voice of desire that leads em’ along
To the redemption of what went wrong
By the blood that coveres the innocent one
No more separation
Between us.

Josh Garrels, "Beyond the Blue"

The Watershed Benefit @ CG

2011-07-07T20:39:00.003-05:00

Don't be square.

Look! I just learned to tie my shoes!

2011-07-07T10:34:00.002-05:00

www.commongroundskc.com

Independence Day with a Capitol D.C. (pt. 1)

2011-07-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

I am trying to live up to the standards of my picture-taking comrades (you know who you are) and document a thing or two...so here's to that...

We headed off for our first family vacation in eons, to Virginia to visit Uncle Randy, Aunt Gee Young, and cousins Rachel and Maria. It was especially great to spend the time with them for Independence Day as my uncle actively serves as a major in the army working in nuclear detection. We are so proud of him and thankful for his service.

We were able to go to a rad amusement park as well as spend the 4th in the city! Here are a few snipets...

typical dilllon.

Rachel made my mom a huge bouquet of origami flowers. That's because she's a G.

"Hey, take a picture with me...(click)..Connor! Smile...."

..."Fine."

typical.

cousins!

We hit the "slopes," if you will, at the King's Dominion, a VA amusement park. Uncle Randy observes his soon-coming demise on the Shockwave...

I found this particularly funny. Connor was lecturing me about how I've become too sensitive while my dad was pointing out the big bumble bees and the flowers.

18 hours in the car with family = some level of insanity
Connor first said that if I showed anyone this video he would disown me as his sister and question my Christianity (his words), so you didn't see this.

(just kidding, he eventually caved and said I could post it.)

Independence Day with a Capitol D.C. (pt.2)

2011-07-05T22:12:00.000-05:00

Casablanca

Mom and I at the Lincoln

Standing in front of Abe gets me every time, though, the text struck me as a little creepy this go around.

Leaping laberdoodles! I continue to hope for the day that my own puppy prayer will be answered.

In-your-face fireworks. At the nation's capital. Seated at the Washington monument.

Twas' the best 4th yet!

News Blog Name (Updated Poll)

2011-06-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

The poll has been updated.

Here are some thoughts:
-Both "olivepress.com" and "theolivepress.com" are taken.
-Although I like the word play of "olive press," it sounds pretty grown-up/formal/overtly Biblical to me. Which may or may not be bad.
-The Glean sounds cool. URL is still available.
-You can vote on multiple names as well as enter your own idea under "other."
-I really like the tag "abstract" because not only does it mean "summary" but has eclectic artistic connotations too. I love word play.

One day this is going to be a real thing!

What's the best new name for The Shofar So Far?online surveys

New News Blog Name

2011-06-17T10:13:00.002-05:00

Abram->Abraham
Jacob->Israel
Simon->Peter/Kefa

Many significant people have undergone a name change to step into a new leg of their journey. It has come to the attention of the Shofar So Far contributors that said name may not be the best option when seeking to appeal to a wide audience.

Please help this news aggregate project step into its birthright. Give us your thoughts by participating in the poll!

What's the best new name for The Shofar So Far?online surveys

He's Never Giving Up

2011-06-13T14:53:00.003-05:00

[another nod to big cass' big project...don't give up, lil' cassio keyboard! ->

]

I found out about these people a while back from John Mark McMillan's blog. I first watched the "Sing Winter" and thought it was extra beautiful and a neat husband/wife combo.

I was listening to "Never Giving Up" the other day at work while I was closing. I was glad I was alone because I had an unexpected tearful encounter with the Father. At one point, a lady singer broke out and said "You're breaking off the disappointment of the season." Having been particularly disappointed at the season in which I find myself, I could feel the disappointment breaking in the light of the L-rd, in light of His promise never to leave- to never give up on me, on all of us who call on His name. I feel like I may be gaining some ground in the battle against disappointment, discouragement and discontent, one I've felt I've been losing for a while now. It seems like it's been challenge after curveball after confusing twist...but His love never stops and never quits, even if I don't see Him, feel Him, understand Him...
Jesus keeps asking me if I will follow Him. I'm trying to say yes. But to what?

I also highly recommend the "Abba" video. What an amazing space to play in! "Abba, I belong to you..."

It just seems like their music is really intimately worshipful and helps the L-rd speak to my heart, and me to speak to His. Maybe it's just me, where I am now...

...but hopefully it does the same for you too. :)

Up-and-Coming Irish Folk and Polka Fusion Band

2011-06-10T11:32:00.002-05:00

Benjamin Netanyahu is my President.

2011-05-27T10:26:00.000-05:00

This is on shofar, but I think it is definitely worth everyone watching so I'm posting it here, too.

Does anyone want to help make a cooler t-shirt than this one?

this is pretty + some thoughts on work

2011-05-17T18:14:00.001-05:00

sam told me about him. i love the tunes and this art, now, just as much as the tunes.

i wish i could make stuff like this.

Praise the L-rd, He provided for me to audit an Adobe Dreamweaver class for free shortly after I was pricing the classes on my own. He is the networker of networkers! So, 8 hours a day for today and the next 2 days will be spend learning this web design software. What an amazing world web design is. i have new-found appreciation for the many sites i frequent on a daily basis.

If i were a professional web designer making an average industry rate, i could theoretically make in 1-2 days what i now make in 2 weeks. The ideal of the liberal arts degree is at this moment looking just that: ideal. The older i get, the more bills i have to pay, the more of a capitalist i become.

“Any 20 year-old who isn't a liberal doesn't have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn't a conservative doesn't have a brain.” -Winston Churchill

Can one break the curse on humankind having to work for a living? Then i could remain a liberal idealist libertarian advocate of a theocratic republic and sleep 8 hours a night.

News Blog Research

2011-05-09T07:40:00.000-05:00

If you don't mind and you have a couple extra minutes, please take a moment to answer a few questions on http://shofarsofar.tumblr.com/ . This will help a lot in developing what the blog will be. Thanks much!

Don't feed poison to your skin.

2011-05-03T10:39:00.004-05:00

I thought about posting this on shofar but decided that it was a little too "topic-y" for the news.Plus, the article is older than a mug.

This article by this New York Times op-ed author talks about the toxicity in many cosmetics and personal care products.

Then I found about The Campaign For Safe Cosmetics.This site has a lot of info, including a searchable database of companies who have signed the Compact for Safe Cosmetics. In order to meet the requirements for the compact, companies have to:

1. Comply with the EU Cosmetics Directive.
2. Disclose all ingredients.
3. Publish and regularly update product information in EWG's Skin Deep database.
4. Comply with ingredient prohibitions and restrictions under the Compact for Safe Cosmetics and substitute ingredients of concern with safer alternatives.
5. Substantiate the safety of all products and ingredients with publicly available data.
6. Participate in the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.

There is a more in-depth explanation of everything on the site. Those of you who want to avoid poison absorption via skin, check it out.

I may try to find local retailers of some of these products. But hey, there's always Whole Foods. They're not necessarily guaranteed to be free of green washing, but it's a start.

In the realm of lotion, I personally have become a fan of straight-up coconut oil. It's solid until emulsified which makes it easy to apply (unless your house if hot, then it starts to morph into chunky liquid which gets messy). Can't beat pure plant.

I am the type that needs emotional motivation and like-minded community to affect personal change usually, as opposed to people who are astonishingly able to act purely on principle (e.g. raw foods diet- I was strong when I was doing it with friends and had the excitement and passion. Now I've slacked off big time due to lack of discipline. Ah! The guilt! Repentance is coming...). I say this to say, if anyone is interested in digging more into this with me, feel free to lend your support and involvement.

The Smell of God

2011-04-29T12:20:00.005-05:00

The portion of the Torah for this week is a section that contains many commandments pertaining to justice and holiness. It is impossible to miss the idea that these commandments are flowing from the mouth, from the very character of the God of Israel.

“'Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths. I am the LORD your God. “ (19:3)

“'Do not turn to idols or make gods of cast metal for yourselves. I am the LORD your God. “ (19:4)

It’s interesting that the Lord doesn’t add that tag to only the commands pertaining directly to Him.

" 'Do not steal. " 'Do not lie. " 'Do not deceive one another. 'Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD. “ (19:11-12)

" 'Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD. “ (19:32)

“'When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.” (19:33)

These are just a few examples among many. Whether the command pertains to idolatry, sexual purity, ethics, respect for others, hospitality or general human dignity, it is nearly always follow by “I am the LORD your God” or “I am Adonai.”

God spells it out to the letter for the Israelites at the covenant made at Sinai- what to do, what not to do and what should happen if you do what you’re not to do. Although some of this may be blurry to us now, considering our place in history and cultural context (and identify as Gentiles), God was clear and direct about what it would look like to live inside His kingdom, to come under his authority and protection in a covenant relationship.

Love God. Love neighbor. If we were to squeeze, crush and grind the Law, Prophets and life and teachings of Jesus we would extract these essential oils. This is the fragrance of the kingdom.

“But thanks be to God, who in the Messiah constantly leads us in a triumphal procession and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of what it means to know him! For to God we are the aroma of the Messiah, both among those being saved and among those being lost; (I Cor. 2:14-15)

How can we carry this aroma if we don’t know what God requires? If we are selecting our own principles of righteousness based on tradition, upbringing, intuition or anything else, how can we be sure we actually smell like Jesus Christ, the Messiah of Israel? How can we be sure it’s not…something else.

Jesus didn’t come to abolish the law; He came to fulfill it. And fulfill it, He did. He embodied what it means to live inside the kingdom of God, which means living according to the Law of God.Jesus won a victory against Satan himself by declaring that man does not live by bread alone but by every word proceeding out of the mouth of God. The Law given to Israel proceeded directly out of the mouth of God to Moses and the people.

We are to be filled with love (according to how the Lord defines love). We are to do justice (according to how the Lord defines justice). We are to welcome the foreigner- the refugee. We are to remain sexually pure. We are to keep a Sabbath, a day of rest. We don’t steal, or cheat or slander one another. We are to be the aroma of the Messiah, both among those being saved and those being lost, for He is the LORD our God!

We are called to smell like the Messiah. But first we have to know what he smells like. For he and the Father are one, as we too are to be one. The Father spelled it out that day at the mountain. And Jesus lived it out. Let us smell like him, that all would be drawn in to the Kingdom. Sometimes these oils are squeezed out through suffering, through patience, through challenge, but may I, may we continue in the pursuit of knowing Him, and in knowing him knowing His Law, that we might bleed the smell of our Lord.

Sad Plants

2011-04-28T08:36:00.000-05:00

Poor sad plants, yearning to breathe fresh air...
Soon! Very soon! Please just hold on a little bit longer. I don't want frost to hurt you.

If all I had to eat for passover '11 [5771] was charoset...dayenu!

2011-04-26T08:24:00.002-05:00

lil peanut

ouch?

the foreign section

sometimes you just got to.

brother from the same mother

gigglefest

roni roni...

cousins

espresso makes mondays welcome.

2011-04-25T07:44:00.000-05:00

Aradhna and the Bhutanese in KCK + Jane's Walk

2011-04-22T16:59:00.008-05:00

Not to infringe upon Big Cass's music project, but I recently found out about a group I am pretty excited about. Aradhna is a band that fuses traditional Indian devotional music (bhajans) with Christ-centered themes.

The show is in KCK among the Bhutanese refugee community. Let me know if you are interested in going (though KLers would have to sacrificially miss soccer).Give it a listen!

Also on the event front, an event some mutual acquaintances have organized:

News Blog

2011-04-18T10:29:00.000-05:00

I (along with the help of several others) am in the process of compiling news sources for a news blog that we think would be a really helpful resource for people. With all the noise out there and all the funding corruption of news sources, as well as an obvious difference in world view from most news sources, it's hard to know what to read and what to believe. The goal would be to feature news stories that are significant to Messianic G-d Fearers, Chrsitians with a love for Israel, and United States citizens in general, as a filter for people who don't have time to read it all.

I started a little site for practice, subject to change of URL, format, etc. Feel free to check it out:
http://shofarsofar.tumblr.com/

I'd love some comments on source recommendations or suggestions about the project in general.

I Am Second

2011-04-14T08:29:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine shared this video with me. It's about a Kansas City tattoo artist of Eastern European Jewish descent who encountered Jesus in the middle of extreme brokenness. Whispering Danny - I Am Second

But second of all, after looking up the organization, I'm thinking, "Why don't I know more about this?" It seems really interesting. Am I just behind the times? Evidently there are billboards about it o I-35 that I might recall having seen.

There might be more on this to come.

just this, for now.

2011-04-13T18:57:00.001-05:00

Ashes and Flames
John Mark McMillan
[click title to listen]

You and I meet
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could

In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That you're calling my name

I can't help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
'Cause you stand at my window
At night while I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you

In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than radio waves
About the remnants of my idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
'Cause you won't stop calling my name

Calling my name up from the ashes

the scene from the window

2011-04-08T09:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, out the window of the church I saw a caucasian black-haired woman in her 20's or early 30's was very intentionally plodding down the road, visibly upset, followed by a man considerably shorter and darker than her who was gesturing dramatically. He was followed by a beige Ford, inching slowly behind them both on the shoulder of the frontage road that runs parallel with the church and the highway.
The man seemed to be fighting for the walking woman's attention, sometimes grabbing her arm or trying to catch up with her, but she would yank her arm away or push him back.

Something was clearly wrong.

This scene continued for about 20 yards or so (although I am a very poor judge of spatial things). Finally the man caught up to the woman and instead of talking to her from behind her, barricaded himself in front of her, seemingly pleading that she stop and listen.

For a while there was a lot of back-and-forth. He was presenting some sort of argument that she was visibly rejecting what he was saying by pushing him away when he got close to her or touched her. Then a middle-aged woman emerged from the car that had been following them and stood nearby.

After some time, I saw a staff member of the church slowly walking toward the scene of the drama, although when he got close the couple didn't seem to take much notice and kept arguing. The staff member began to talk with the woman that was driving the car.

The gestures of the couple indicated that the fight was escalating until finally the woman violently pushed the man away, buried her face in her hands and bent over as if in wrenching pain. The man stepped back. All the activity seemed to freeze as the woman cried.

L-rd, please be there with her. Be there with him, with them. Bring calm to the storm. Peace, in the name of Jesus. My spirit was moved to intercede, knowing there was nothing else I could do. All the while my mind was wondering why in the world I was seeing this.

She cried and cried, and then turned her back to everyone, stepped behind the car and began to wretch. The man, seemingly silenced by what was happening to her simply put his hand on her back, likely not knowing anything else to do.

Soon two police cars showed up and officers imposed themselves upon the scene, signaling to the church staff member that he was ok to leave.

As he slowly walked back up to the hill I slowly walked away from the window. I didn't know the reason for the chaos, but it wreaked of betrayal and pain and my heart hurt to watch.

I later found out that the woman had confronted the man, her husband, at the college up the road and had accused him of cheating after she found out he had been talking with another woman over the course of a few weeks. Evidently, up the road from what was visible from the window where I was, the woman had thrown punches at the man, which he took willingly without retaliating. She had also tried to jump the chain link fence on the side of the road that leads up to the highway. Both the husband and the woman's mother had been following her in concern for her safety.

I don't know whether the woman's accusations of her husband were founded on anything true, or if they came from a pattern of paranoia. I don't know if this woman had a history of anger and self-destructive behavior. I don't know the kinds of things that had happened to her and her family throughout her life to get her to this climactic point. But I do know that if my pain and storm of emotion were to lead to such a public display, to be so upset that my body vomits out the toxicity...it doesn't really matter what caused it because it's very real to me. Heartbreak is very real. I know how it feels to feels to feel so wrecked that you try to run away from everyone and jump out of your own skin. I guess I don't know exactly how she felt, but there was some basis for empathy.

I don't really have a conclusion. I'm still wondering why this whole thing happened right in front of me, but I could feel it from the window. I hope the woman and the man are ok and that the peace of the L-rd breaks in.

Love Wins review by Miller

2011-04-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

Check out this review of this controversial new book by Rob Bell, recommended to me by Lauren Blake.

get on up

2011-03-17T18:19:00.002-05:00

well folks...i'm taking a break for a couple weeks from blogger. yes, for some of you that would be your normal rate of usage, but let's be honest. i'm textually active.

in the meantime...come see me!

it's pretty good...as i closed out my undergraduate experience, i was praying that i could meet and form relationships with more Jewish people. so, naturally He has me working at a church. i've always had a critical attitude toward church coffee shops for various reasons. and i've said several times that i would never want to own or manage a coffee shop after working in several and seeing what that entails.

that said, here i am. somehow. i probably needed a slice of humble pie, and i don't doubt that this will simply be another stretch of the adventure i'm on with Him. i'm ready for whatever it will look like! i'm thankful He is patient with me and keeps doing what He does with me even when i have a bad attitude. i'm also thankful for a new season and a new challenge.

hope to see y'all's (double apostrophe, yes) lovin' faces...let me pull you a shot or something and we can chat it up. this is not an advertisement; more like an invitation. i think.

Common Grounds
at Evangel Church
1414 E. 103rd St.
Kansas City, MO 64131

North (Back) Entrance
Hours: 7am-2pm (for now) M-F

waiting (cont'd)

2011-03-12T21:31:00.000-06:00

dance around the point
like harmless intuition
and do unto thyself as thou
would unto thy neighbor

dry the flowers picked
from top the mountain
and water plants
on windowsill
He hears your silent prayers
and remembers vacant stares
as you gazed into unseen
distance just behind your
paperwork

He heals your many papercuts
and ices all your bruises

as you're waiting waiting waiting
for something to arrive

He meets you on the water
in the canyons and cafes
and speaks of things much better
than nasty paper ships
whose bottoms dissolve
and disintegrate
til all there is is pulp
on water tainted by ink

trust Him as He works
and you lie still on the table
let consciousness slip pass
and spirit come to voice

let eager hearts meander
toward vacant school houses
and build something to talk about
in lofty days to come
where eager hands will read
and write and learn of better days
and feel the ridges of the Heart
Who felt and knew it all

Whose every sentence ending
marks earthquake's jagged line
on papers inked by needles
as we measure what was said

sit and wait and want
for April's green and laughter
and smell the crisp
December as you linger
in your sleep.

A Bloody Bridegroom

2011-03-10T17:35:00.000-06:00

Exodus 4:24-26
CJB-At a lodging-place on the way, ADONAI met Moshe and would have killed him, had not Tzipporah taken a flintstone and cut off the foreskin of her son. She threw it at his feet, saying, "What a bloody bridegroom you are for me!" But then, God let Moshe be. She added, "A bloody bridegroom because of the circumcision!"

NAS- Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin and threw it at Moses' feet, and she said, "You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me."So He let him alone. At that time she said, "You are a bridegroom of blood "-because of the circumcision.

This small and often overlooked snippet of a story, wedged between Moses/Moshe's commission at the burning bush and his return and reunification with his brother, Aharon, has been one that I've been throwing around in my mind for a while.I'm having a hard time understanding what actually happened here, yet the story captures me and takes me away in my imagination.

Why did the L-rd pursue Moshe to kill him? What did that look like? Did the L-rd appear to Moshe and chase Him? Or did Moshe become ill? And how did Tzipporah/Zipporah know the circumcision of her son was the problem? Or was it the solution of a different problem in that it provided some sort of atonement for Moshe?

In Tikva Frymer-Kensey's book, Reading the Women of the Bible: A New Interpretation of Their Stories, she discusses a lot of these questions. Note: questions- not a lot of definitive explanations for what was going on here. She mentions the significance of the use of the flint. This was long after metal was being used for weaponry, yet a traditional flint would have been used for rituals such as circumcision. Frymer-Kensey notes that although some translations (like NAS which I listed above) specify that she threw the foreskin at Moshe's feet, this isn't necessarily concrete as she could have thrown it at their son's feet, or even G-d's feet, as the antecedent of "his" is unclear. What is also unclear is to whom she was speaking when she proclaims, "you are a bridegroom of blood to me." Could have been Moshe, but also could have been the L-rd. Tzipporah's name means "bird", which is significant because birds are some of the most protective animals when it comes to their young. She also notes the continual weight that blood carries for atonement, which almost goes without saying. I'm glad she said it, though.

Lastly, I will say that Moshe was rescued or delivered by three women before he was called by G-d to be the deliverer of the Israelites. His birth mother, Yocheved, (with the assistance of Miriam, which actually makes four women), his foster mother, the daughter of Pharaoh, and Moshe's wife, Tzipporah. This serves as a foreshadowing ("four"shadowing? nyuk nyuk) as well as a reminder to Moshe and all his readers to respect your women.

While we are on the subject of Israelites, I will leave you with this song, a component of the album I've been camping out on all week. Get it, Patty!

Watch the full episode. See more Austin City Limits.

Hasta Luego, 76-731a

2011-03-05T22:10:00.000-06:00

The following turn of events in the news brings interest to me (and sadness, I suppose). For my senior thesis I wrote about immigration policy and public opinion, comparing these nationally and locally. For my research I was able to study all of the Kansas session law relating to immigration. One law in particular caught my attention:

76-731a. Certain persons without lawful immigration status deemed residents for purpose of tuition and fees.

Notes: This statute came as a result of a federal statute that requires all children to be educated, even if they are undocumented immigrants. Here it states that if an undocumented immigrant meets certain requirements such as three years in a Kansas high school and applying for citizenship after becoming eligible, they will be considered a Kansas resident for the purpose of tuition and fees for postsecondary education.
It was not written into law until 2004. Following this, Kristen Day sued Kathleen Sebelius, the Kansas governor, in Day v. Sebelius in 2005. The constitutionality was challenged of allowing undocumenteds to pay in-state tuition. Hispanic interest groups intervened in the case and the plaintiff lost, upholding the statute.

In fact, this law made me feel pretty proud of Kansas.

Recently, a bill went to the Kansas legislature to repeal this law.

Foes aim to repeal in-state tuition for illegal immigrants’ kids - KansasCity.com
You can read the full article above, but I found the following section noteworthy:
"Andrea Pardo-Spalding moved with her parents from Mexico to Kansas City, Kan., when she was 15. She paid in-state tuition at Kansas State University thanks to the law. She came to Tuesday’s hearing to thank lawmakers for passing the law and to urge them to keep it on the books.
“I have big plans for the future,” she said. “That’s what this country and this state have taught me. I want them (lawmakers) to know we’re not criminals. We’re the people who make America.”
Now 24, Pardo-Spalding is a legal resident who hopes to become a citizen in a year. Asked what she’d be doing if she hadn’t gone to K-State, she smiled. “I’d be waiting tables,” she said."

Unfortunately,

Final approval for bill repealing tuition for illegal immigrants - KansasCity.com

Sorry, Andrea.

I know there are many differing opinions on this topic, so if you're out there opining, bring it on.

Common Grounds

2011-02-26T01:38:00.001-06:00

Coming to a nearby place near you...

Common Grounds: your arabica supplier since March 2011 (or whenever we get our permit)!

Shenanigans Are What He Does

2011-02-25T23:36:00.000-06:00

I won't say that Banksy is a hero of mine. But, I will say that he fascinates me. Maybe it's my affinity for adventure and suspense. Maybe it's my evil inclination toward rebellion. Banksy, to me, is the Robin Hood of artists. He is a skilled graffiti artist who not only has something to say but says (paints) it skillfully. I feel that he very effectively delivers a pointed criticism of Western society through his renegade art.

Needless to say, I excitedly anticipated the release of his documentary Exit Through the Gift Shop. Although I expected the film to be solely about him, in reality in turned out to be a documentary mostly centered around an eccentric, obsessive French cameraman, "Mr. Brainwash," who tries to make a documentary about Banksy and other street artists. Mr. Brainwash, having gotten on the inside circuit, then decides to put together his own plagiaristic street-style art exhibit (he pays other artists to create and then tweaks their work and calls it his own). Oddly enough, his exhibit's buzz snowballs into an underground craze, mostly because he convinces Banksy to give him a blurb for the sake of advertisment. Thousands of Los Angelans show up and his exhibit is a huge success, to the surprise of all the contributing artists.

There has been debate about whether or not the entire documentary is a hoax, that Mr. Brainwash was an actor and that the whole thing was staged. This is a viable possibility considering Banksy's sketchy personae. Conveniently, his identity remains concealed throughout the production and release of the film. And it's a pretty far-fetched story. Yet, it's hard to tell because the mystique of the street art scene makes it seem believable.

Either way, Exit Through the Gift Shop has been nominated for an Oscar, and there are a lot of questions surrounding the nomination. Will he show up? Will it win? Will he accept the award? Will he reveal his identity on live television?

There has recently been an appearance of a new piece by Banksy, popularly titled "The Crayola Shooter," a piece we can assume to be taking a stance against the conscription of child soldiers (see the picture to the right). This has caused stipulation as to whether this new mural is Banksy's way of pandering to the academy.

The academy awards have (somewhat embarrassingly) caught my attention from an early age (mostly because I like to see all the pretty ladies in pretty dresses). The media has been playing up the event for the past few months, yet Banksy's nomination is the sole reason I have interest in tuning in this year.

But alas, my Sunday nights are booked....anybody got Tivo?

speedily, in our days

2011-02-25T10:21:00.002-06:00

ADONAI, I have heard the report about you. ADONAI, I am awed by your deeds. Bring your work to life in our own age, make it known in our own time; but in anger, remember compassion.

Habakkuk 3:2

Patience and Expectation

2011-02-03T21:09:00.001-06:00

The mother of expectation is patience. The French author Simone Weil writes in her notebooks: "Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life." Without patience our expectation degenerates into wishful thinking. Patience comes from the word "patior" which means to suffer. The first thing that Jesus promises is suffering: "I tell you...you will be weeping and wailing...and you will be sorrowful." But he calls these pains birth pains. And so, what seems a hindrance becomes a way; what seems to be an obstacle becomes a door; what seems a misfit becomes a cornerstone. Jesus changes our history from a random series of sad incidents and accidents into a constant opportunity for a change of heart. To wait patiently therefore means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us.

from Out of Solitude by Henri J.M. Nouwen

Ruined

2011-02-02T10:31:00.002-06:00

ruined

i am undone

i have tasted of You

and now hunger for more

there is nowhere else to escape now

no lesser pleasure

to quench my burning desire

i am ravished by the feel of your nearness

no other flavor compares with what i've tasted

there is now only one thing to seek for satisfaction

i am undone

i am ruined for anything else

this is how you draw me to Yourself.

Question for Discussion:

2011-01-31T21:13:00.000-06:00

G-d is Father to the Fatherless...what of the motherless? If G-d is not man (though chooses to reveal Himself as Father, King and Bridegroom), what is the proper way to look to the mothering, nurturing characteristics of G-d? Those who have had improper fathering look to the L-rd for inner healing in the area of fathering...what is the proper way for those who need inner healing because of poor or absent mothering?

The Painted Peter

2011-01-21T16:44:00.000-06:00

Will you turn back my praise if I falter again?
Spoken words flow less freely than ink in a pen.

If I don't raise my voice then will you stand ashamed,
would that you never had called me by name?

If preaching in cities is putting out fires,
the smoldering mess melts into the mire.

This painted Peter sinks into the sea
and my heavy faith sinks low inside me.

And then surely washes up onto the shore
Breakfast of fish, thrice softly implore

Hungry sheep to feed.

Keith Green

2011-01-19T20:14:00.001-06:00

I didn't realize there was already a song titled "Your Love Broke Through," the same title as the poem I posted a while ago. It's a Keith Green song. It's not my favorite song of his , but it's worth noting that I sort of plagiarized

My dad used to play Keith Green in the car when he drove us, my brothers and I, to school in the mornings. In my late elementary and high school years I was embarrassed of the kinds of music my dad played in his car (80's-90's CCM) and would turn down his stereo when we pulled up to the school. My brothers and I loved to make fun of Keith Green and his dramatic singing (and hair). But, the other day, my brothers and I were dancing around at my folks' house and ended up putting on some Keith Green (I have no idea how or why that happened). We were getting nostalgic about the days of the ride to school with dad listening to Keith Green. And I was struck by the intensity of his love and passion for the L-rd that comes through in his songs. He sings from a heart that has been forgiven much and therefore loves much. Truly inspired. My heart is moved by his music.

Oh, and not surprisingly, yet I was surprised to find out that Keith and his wife were Messianic Jews! Same old story of a guy who was Jewish and ended up getting into drugs, east Asian mysticism and free love and came to know Jesus in the 70's. He seems to have identified as a Christian.

So yes, I love Keith Green. His piano playing reminds me of Ben Folds and I'm a big fan of piano rock. I love his white man fro, his simple and catchy melodies, his extremely overt and simple lyrics, his sing-songy way of performing, and his essence.What's not to love?

waiting

2011-01-13T22:56:00.000-06:00

winter's sullen smile
casts frowns upon my brow
winter's waiting calms me
into dreams of windows open

winter's sheets are thin and sharp
they caress like needles

winter comes without a warning
following our special days
of cups of lemonade
and oils of gladness
it makes us hide inside
beneath our paper blankets
where we write our dreams away

we listen closely to the sound
of clacking shoes on hardwood
floors of sanctuaries and courthouses
and places where women walk
when they are not relaxed

we breathe in peace when we see
the wind blow fondly from the south
and feel our insides of dust
and ribs from which we were made

we taste our hunger
and open our mouths
like new hatchlings
blind and waiting

waiting waiting
waiting waiting

for something to arrive

Brother Yun Pt. 2 (It's a Miracle!)

2011-01-10T14:16:00.000-06:00

Today I was shoveling the snow in the at my grandparents house. This is the first year that it has been my job to do the shoveling because the person who usually does it had surgery. I was excited for the challenge, though, and my grandparents very graciously asked me to do it.

I only had thin gloves on and about 1/3 of the way through the job my fingers were so cold they were hurting pretty bad. I started to grumble on the inside and feel sorry for myself, finding reasons to justify my inward complaints (my fingers hurt really bad, I don't have good enough gloves, my brothers should've volunteered to do this ((yes, very un-feminist of me)), why does G-d make winter so cold, etc.).

I was reminded of Brother Yun and all that he endured without complaining, constantly singing praises to the L-rd throughout all his circumstances. The one time he complained to G-d (which was actually a night that he had to spend out in the cold) he immediately repented of his complaint. Thinking about this, I felt convicted about my bad attitude in circumstances that paled in comparison to Brother Yun's experiences, ones that He endured with praise in his heart. I began to sing worship songs as I shoveled the snow.

To my surprise, as I was singing I noticed that my fingers were literally beginning to warm! Seriously. I was so blown away by this! I was filled with joy and continued to worship as I shoveled the snow. My fingers remained warm for the rest of the job as did my joy remain as well.

Thank you L-rd for doing a little miracle that brought the lesson home. It was a good reminder of the "prison to praise" message. Please help me remember this in the future when my challenge isn't as simple as shoveling snow.

Philippians 2:14
"Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world"

P.S.- The more I journey into the L-rd, the cheesier and more cliche I talk. I have always hated "Christianese"....yet there are concepts and experiences I talk about now for which I know only one "nomenclature." It's natural for me to talk about my walk in a churchy way because I learned it from a young age, but I don't like it. Thoughts? Suggestions?... Threats? Bribes?

Brother Yun

2011-01-04T20:45:00.000-06:00

I am getting wrecked by the testimony of Brother Yun's life in The Heavenly Man.

"We are absolutely nothing. We have nothing to be proud about. We have no abilities and nothing to offer God. The fact that he chooses to use us is only due to His grace. It has nothing to do with us. If God should choose to raise up others for his purpose and never use us again we would have nothing to complain about."
-Brother Yun to his wife, Deling

His words and his story so far so convict me of my own sin of fear and pride.I have not followed in the footsteps of Christ's suffering. I have suffered because of the consequences of my own sin. Father, make me worthy to be your witness like Brother Yun.

Your Love Broke Through

2011-01-01T23:23:00.001-06:00

Your love broke through
at desperate hour
when cry was wrenched and wrung
from soaking, drowning soul

Your love broke through
like shattered glass once covered
in condensed fog
steam that veiled your face

Your love cut through
blood that flowed from pierced and holy flesh
cuts past the calluses
cuts off our sinning hands and eyes
and ingrown foreign objects
healing comes through pain
the ripping at the birth
the cut that saves out souls

True Judge, Righteous G-d Man, Ruach HaKodesh
Your love broke through
a bloody mess
reborn from death

read this, if you dare.

2010-12-23T23:36:00.003-06:00

It's in here.

photog

2010-12-16T21:31:00.001-06:00

I have "discovered" National Geographic photography on which I ~~waste~~ spend much time.

nice.

2010-11-29T22:22:00.000-06:00

me: http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough//files/2010/05/cr_mega_758_RTR2DULU.jpg

Dillon: She reminds me of Madam Blueberry.

me: I'm sure she gets that a lot.

Dillon: I'm sure she gets a lot of stuff a lot. I mean this is a partisan system of democracy.

Do They Take Requests? (The Plight of the Selective Listener)

2010-11-27T22:28:00.000-06:00

My Monday and Friday drive home from downtown often leaves me in frustration. The tape deck of my circa 1994 4-speed Tercel leaves me with sparse choices in terms of auditory entertainment- music stations that leave much to be desired, NPR or silence (to which I usually absolve in the end). I find it odd that I often can’t listen to mainstream radio or Christian radio because of the same reasons: compromises they’d bring to my integrity, convictions, or taste. Where are the talented, original and sincere G-d fearing musicians? Why must we often choose from among the quality of the music, the musician and the message? Please let this armchair critic bring my thoughts before an audience, whoever you are.

There are plenty of critics of Contemporary Christian music and radio, but they vary greatly according to theoretical framework, rendering their criticisms contradictory in conclusion. Two polar examples is the “Christian music is too like the world with a watered-down message” and “Christian music is fake and lacking diversity and artistic originality.” A while ago, most of my Christian college friends and myself who sought a more “edgy” expression leaned toward the latter, in agreement that most CCM was canned-- heated to the point of killing the bad bacteria along with the live enzymes resulting in a product that is safe for everyone’s consumption. We all agreed that Christian radio was the same result of marketing research as were all the other stations, lifting the same criticism to CCM as to an indie artist who sold out to a big-name label.

“ The Splintered Art World of Contemporary Christian Music” by Jay R. Howard and John M. Streck offers a great scholarly effort to dissect the problematic situation of Christians and their music, that is, which prepositions and conjunctions to describe their relationship to the world. Their article was written in 1996, so some of their examples reflect this, although I think the points made within it remain applicable today, nearly 15 years later.

In Howard and Streck’s article, they describe a few different positions that believers in the industry have taken. The first is Separational CCM, that which is evangelistic in nature, focused “salvation, evangelisation of non-believers, and the separateness of the faithful.” (43) DeGarmo and Key in their time seem to have confronted the opposite problem my current generation observes about CCM. On being labeled a crossover band (appearing on both Christian and secular categorizations), Eddie DeGarmo commented “I think the term is a misnomer. The Bible is very specific about the world not liking Jesus. So being a crossover band, you find that it is very difficult to actually 'take the cross over' ... To record for a Christian label . . . is a censorship issue . .. because [only] Christian labels would allow us to sing the songs that we wanted to sing. [Songs] which happen to talk about Christ. Secular labels would not. “ (DeGarmo and Key 1993) (43)

Separational CCM not only confronts resistance toward it message with the mainstream industry but with the Christian world also. As the article puts it, “Separational CCM has also been defined (and limited) by Christianity's ongoing debate over the details of ortho-doxy, for with a denominationally diverse Christian audience one is guaranteed to offend someone, regardless of the view presented, should one stray too far from the universally accepted, and often meaningless, religious cliches.” This leaves room for very little in lyrical content besides “the conversion experience, the requirement of a personal relationship with Jesus, and repackaging the gospel story in a contemporary and commercial fashion.” Hence, the early CCM industry featured artists whose commercial success had a direct relationship with the amount of times their songs said the name “Jesus.” (44)

I once took a class which was entitled “Integrating Faith in the Communication Arts.” In this class, one of the main thrusts of my professor was that Christianity in general has the answer but often fails to recognize or understand the questions. This problem became especially true of early CCM. “As early as 1982, Glenn Kaiser of Resurrection Band (now Rez) claimed, 'I think the Christians have created a musical sub-culture that doesn't really relate to unbelievers' (Newcomb-Smith 1982, p. 13)… 'We have to communicate the basic truths,' states one artist. 'We don't have a lot of time, at a concert or high school assembly, to be subtle' (Wittenburg Door 1984, p. 24). Never an end unto itself, Separational CCM lacks value apart from its proselytizing function and thus the Separational artist breaks no new ground musically or lyrically (Cusic 1990, p. 227); they become a 'Spiritual Salesman' promoting 'bumper sticker theology'. (44)

Major record labels began to take notice of the market for Christian music in the 1970’s. Big Christian labels such as Word and Benson sold to mainstream companies such as ABC, Thomas Nelson Publishers and EMI. Other big labels such as Warner Brothers sought to take advantage of the Evangelical market and went the route of forming their own new labels such as Warner-Alliance, Warner Brothers Christian extension. Many Christian artists at this time embraced the changes. These Integrational artists changed the game from the previous Separationists by seeking to be placed on the same store shelves as the rest of mainstream music. Interestingly, this led to the need for a change in the content of the music. “Thus, Amy Grant moves from 'Sing your praise to the Lord' (1982) to 'you could be so good for me' (1991);3 Kim Hill from 'I will wait on the Lord' (1991) to a country ditty about a wife who leaves her abusive husband called 'Janie's Gone Fishin' (1994).” (45) In defense of this change, these artists offer a more positive message or Biblical perspective on the same types of topics mainstream music touches on. Amy Grant suggests, 'There are a lot of songs that I just write and the only differentiation between them and secular pop music that I would say is that they are an observation of everyday life from a Christian perspective' (Millard 1986, p. 155).

A third option that over time developed was the Transformational artists. “They view their music as a reflection of the creative Divine Image of God found in all humans, and as such, inherently valuable regardless of its utility for evangelism or exhortation. “ Transformational artists, in contradiction to Separational artists that argue “that gospel music loses its purpose (evangelism) when it becomes 'art for art's sake' (p. iv), for those operating under the assumptions of the Transformational subgenre, 'art for art's sake' is a perfectly (if not the only) acceptable rationale. In the view of many Transformational artists, one must answer the Bible's call for social justice, in addition to that of personal morality - an idea which challenges the personal theology of many Evangelicals.” (47) Transformational artists often offered criticisms of both society and the church, sometimes even in the same song. In the words of Christian artist T Bone Burnett put it, “‘I learned early on that if you believe Jesus is the Light of the World there are two kinds of songs you can write - you can write songs about the Light, or about what you see by the Light.’ (Flanagan 1986, p. 52). Most Christians working in the mainstream industry - like the Transformational CCM artists - chose the latter approach.” (49)

All that said, I think “splintered” is a good term to describe the whole scenario. Historically I’ve been one who sought out transformational artists or generally non-CCM artists whose music was of the kind that I liked, with and to which I could connect and move, and which didn’t violate my morals outright (unless I liked the sound too much to pass it up, even without meeting that last requirement). Now I find myself not only taking the message of the music into account but also the spiritual state of the musicians themselves, asking what kinds of spiritual influences could have made their way into the music during the creative process and whether I want the essence of that person to influence my life and spirit. This does not leave many good options!

So I ask for something besides the Christian copies of mainstream styles, which one writer describes as those that “have been marketed as though they were low-fat cheese: ‘almost as tasty as the real thing -- and better for you!’” Every artist has their influences, but I’m not looking for a Christianized version of what’s on the next radio station over. I ask for something that has depth and explores what real humans think about and experience. I ask for that which is Biblical but not canned, that which is real and honest but not hopeless. If a musician wants to worship their Creator in their music, let them do so unapologetically, but let them not ride the wave of the worship album bestsellers. If a believer wants to make music outside of the CCM industry, let them do so, as long as they don’t sell their integrity.

Is this too much to ask for? Probably. Unless, of course, I were to ask Someone who has the power to inspire today’s musicians and whose creative energy allows all inspirational material to exist in the first place. Maybe I will put in a request…

Deliverance

2010-11-23T22:02:00.000-06:00

Your heart has a home in Mine;
come and feel and know
and taste of sweet and ancient wine

I wander near the edge, quiver;
I shake lonely in the cold,
cry deliver.

Come back, come back, into My rest
I have answered before first request

Captivated by the glow
I hesitantly reach out my hand
yet fear to touch from here below.

This dark, this unknowing cloud
is not the cloud that led
from bondage to promise.

I come, I speak in peace
I silence madness with a breath
for My love is stronger than death.

Take my hand,
a hand that holds the world
After sculpting and firing
and placing on time's table
you wait and watch and labor
as scripted act.

A comedy, a tragedy
of unrequited love
yet with pleasure I wait for final bow
for I have written the ending.

Feel the pulsing
the rhythm, the beat.
It catches you- you cannot help but move
for it is moving and it moves you
for I am He who moves.

[7/2/09...2 days before deliverance. Yes, I do realize that I couldn't decide whether it should rhyme or not. Sorry to all you "C's" out there.]

Northeast 2011

2010-11-23T11:09:00.004-06:00

Dillon and I are planning a trip.

Psalm 61:1-4

2010-11-14T22:51:00.000-06:00

Hear my cry, O God ; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint ; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever ; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah.

The Other "F-Word"

2010-11-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

"Feminist writers have been at the forefront of the critique of dichotomous thinking, because their broader concern to develop new understandings of what counts as knowledge. A general criticism of dichotomous thinking is that it 'forces ideas, persons, roles and disciplines into rigid polarities' and thereby 'reduces richness and complexity in the interest of logical neatness.'"

"A number of new theorists have sought to develop new, non-dichotomous ways of thinking. Although varying in detail, such theories have in common an emphasis on thinking relationally. The relational mode of theorising 'argues for the intellectual and social benefits of recognizing that within each dualism...the relationship, the connection, the interdependence between the two parts is crucial to the character of both parts.' Moreover, it recognises complexity, plurality and heterogeneity, rather than simple mutually exhaustive dualisms."
50 Key Concepts In Gender Studies- Jane Pilcher & Imelda Whelehan

I drafted this post (which was pretty much just the above quotes) probably two months ago at the onset of my Women's Studies course that I am currently taking.
Women's studies? Why a whole course for women? Why don't they have a men's studies course?
To this I reply that we had much of our past history classes devoted to men's studies. Unless, of course, we were studying the Suffrage Movement or other special era where the ladies were getting feisty.

Throughout my personal history, I have always been feminist-leaning, as much as an evangelical Midwestern girl can claim to be. I remember in elementary school writing stories by myself (during class, as was usually my problem) that often featured a leading female role comparable to Jo March who had an independent spirit and would fearlessly leave everything behind to go take on the world in some unknown place. My friend, Jourdan, and I would co-write plays which we acted out at recess where usually there was a woman or pair of women who were in some state of oppression, such a being forced to work in a Cinderella-esque type scenario or being forced into a constraining societal role like Rose from Titanic. These stories usually included the struggle to break out of these restraints as well them picking up a romantic interest along the way. I'm sure the Disney portrayal of the woman had a lot to do with our perception of the difficult female state, yet I doubt it had everything to do with it.

The question of the proper place of a woman has been a difficult one for me to navigate. It isn't hard to observe the reality of the commonly unfair hand dealt women. Women are not constitutionally guaranteed equal rights seeing how they had to fight for an amendment to be made to get the vote and the Equal Right Amendment never got passed. Statistically, they still make $.77 to every $1 a man makes in a comparable position with far fewer management positions for women. Growing up, and even now, I didn't have to look far to see that often the woman, whether or not she works a full time job, is expected to take care of the home and family, at the very least more so than the man. It's a social expectation for women to do this, whereas when a men does things that are more domestic such as cook, clean, take care of the kids, he's receives praise and accolades for being such a great father.

On the other hand, I concede that not all of what we see as gender roles can be a simple social construction. I keep asking the question: Where is the Creator's design in all of this mess? Clearly He has made women and men to be distinct from one another and has given each of them distinct purposes. It seems obvious that women have a stronger child-rearing role than men simply because of biology and the way babies are carried into the world.Women tend to be more nurturing than most men. Despite this, how much is this generalization used to manipulate women into submission or a passenger seat while male leadership drives society? I thought the criticisms of dichotomous thinking offered by feminist theory were interesting considering the journey many of us have been on, examining the duality in our philosophical frameworks on which we build our realities, rather than the oft-repeated "both/and" phenomenon.

Middle-class woes aside, the modern tragedies of pornography and sex-trafficking industries have dealt a major blow to the face of women's rights. Not to mention female genital mutilation which is forced upon millions of women worldwide. This is happening in the United States among women from these areas. See map below- this practice is interestingly correlated with the places where the Islamic kingdom has spread:

I have found it heartbreaking that many of the women I'm supposed to read for this course start their activism in being pro-abortion rights. This could lead to a long tangent, but it's blatantly obvious at a public university how humanistic assumptions lead to destructive conclusions- for the human spirit and life a whole. Women should have the right to sexual liberation and then the right to erase the life that comes because of it. People should have a right to do all the things that leads to their demise. We demand this. It has been this way from the beginning at the fall that led to eventual middle finger raised to the sky as humanity defied it's holy purposes.

The fall...the fall..."her desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her"...maybe all this isn't so suprising.

This is more of a tangential free-write on feminism inspired thoughts, not really coherent. Sort of like feminism itself. Three different waves, too many different "feminisms" to name here...we still don't know what we want....

Moments

2010-10-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

Moments are my favorite things
Things that wrap around us like ribbons
Ribbons blowing in the breeze like sunrise beams
Beams of light in morning remind us of new mercies
Mercies enough for this moment

Breaking up is hard to do'oo...

2010-10-23T17:31:00.001-05:00

My bro and I started this blog when I lived in FL to encourage each other to keep writing. He punked out on it a while back and recently ventured out with his own solo project.

Despite this, we still have an amicable relationship on the web. I am plugging a piece of his that he recently posted. Way to go broheim.

Don't I Hold You

2010-10-21T22:24:00.000-05:00

The more I learn to hear the voice of the L-rd, the more I realize how much I've always heard it.

About two years ago I was not following the L-rd the way I knew I should. My spirit was starving and I often felt loneliness so cold it cut me to the bones and woke me up at night. Running running running and grasping after things I couldn't and shouldn't have. Longings deep deep inside of me were never satisfied but I would not open my heart to Him.I didn't think I knew how to get to Him.

I was fond of the Elizabethtown soundtrack (and the movie itself, for that matter). One day in my dorm room I was listening to it, and this song came on:

These are the lyrics:
don't i hold you like you want to be held
and don't i treat you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
like i'm in the way
don't i hold you like you want to be held
don't i please you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
like i'm in the way
and wasting too much time
don't i
don't i hold you like you want

sometimes i hold you right
nice and tight
to me most times
on account it's based on need
not selfish greed or pride

don't i
don't i hold you like you want

In that moment, I felt the song was what He was saying to me. I remember feeling like something broke in me and I was crying, but I couldn't believe it was really His voice. It felt too presumptuous or too fictitious to think it was true. I didn't believe it. I wished it was true, I wanted it to be...

I used to be so mad at Him because I felt He could see my struggle and this gnawing thing inside of me and left there utterly alone. I ran a lot then, literally. I hesitate to run these days because it reminds of back then, when I was running on the outside and inside, but not because I wanted to.

A little while ago, I confided in a friend the sadness and loneliness I was feeling at the moment. She said, "Let Him hold you like you need to be held." This immediately hit the rewind button in my mind and brought me back to the moment with the song two years ago. I know now that it was Him, and now I know what He says is true.

I don't blame Him anymore for not breaking through to me during those years. Doesn't He know the hearts of men? Isn't He able to rightly judge them? I explained away His love. I also explained away His instructions to me. In fact, at that time I said in my heart, "I have always done the right thing, I have always obeyed. This time I'm not going to." I wanted to see what would happen. I saw what happened. I'm still recovering and being healed from the effects of those choices. I believe Him when He says that He will repay us for the years the locust ate, the locust he sent among us. But how much better to bind our years to the L-rd? How much better to hold our years as precious possessions and not let any be wasted?

Now He holds me like I want to be held. And I don't ever want to go back again.

What would you do?

2010-10-17T22:52:00.003-05:00

http://wimp.com/stealingbike/

One Day

2010-10-16T21:53:00.000-05:00

I can't get away from this song these days.

Amen.

Banksy, anyone?

2010-10-15T21:38:00.000-05:00

For further entertainment or provocation, see Exit Through the Gift Shop.

The last one is my favorite.

i miss...

2010-10-12T19:44:00.000-05:00

sometimes i miss being a part of music-making like a part of me is in a hibernation coma. lately it has been stirring. i miss it more than other things i could be missing right now.

this is what i miss about my old school...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDS96dKzbRU(it's kind of a lame video, but that's the Southeastern Singers)
the guy on keys used to play shows at the cafe i worked at down there and i would wait for hours with my friends before the show so we could have close seats.

i miss worship team in youth group, fine arts festival music, playing flute in marching band and concert band, worship choir at southeastern university, wind ensemble and the soul in the music at southeastern, and more...

i hope (pray) it whistles back at me soon, although id be extra rusty....

A Dream Deferred

2010-10-09T18:52:00.002-05:00

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

I recited this poem for my oral interpretation class back when I was studying English. It moved me, especially because of the dreams that he most likely had in mind as he wrote in the midst of the Harlem Renaissance. I have been thinking about this poem in light of dreams in general- my own dreams, but also the dreams of many of my dear friends and their vision for the city of Merriam. It’s hard for me to watch people I love who have invested much in something so unselfish and not see much of the tangible fruit of what they have been asking and working for. I know that we as humans can’t see the big picture and don’t know what His timing is for things- it’s often different than ours. I get that, but sometimes...I really don't.

I think about this poem I’ve held onto in light of a verse that I’ve held onto over the years:

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay

Habakkuk 2:3

We wait for our deferred dreams, the ones that are of the L-rd.

It’s funny how sometimes people point out verses in the Bible that I know I must have read before, but it leaps out at me as if it had been hiding. One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes, and my brother showed me this verse last night:

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.
Ecclesiastes 5:7

Something I’m chewing on….

stranger than...

2010-10-02T13:11:00.002-05:00

I need a good fiction book. Any recommendations?

Norman Walker disciple...to be or not to be?

2010-09-28T18:34:00.000-05:00

SO (my mom pointed out how often I begin statements with this conjunction) I have been reading some propaganda in favor of a raw foods diet. A couple of friends and I recently delved into conversation about nutrition, health and the problems with Western medicine. They recommended that I read Norman Walker's books...he's totally their dude and they've been following his diet and health methods for years. One of them used to have bad acne and after a few months of raw foods and fresh juices she saw improvements. She now has completely clear skin. The other used to suffer from fatigue and headaches a lot and now doesn't deal with these symptoms and says she doesn't get sick.

The thing is, I've started reading some of Norm's stuff and I must say it seems shockingly radical upon first hearing. He basically advocates only eating raw fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts, which isn't all that different from many other nutrition articles I've read as far as these things being beneficial. His books talk about how processed foods are deplete of any nutritional value (which is also nothing new) as well as how cooking above 120 degrees Fahrenheit kills off the necessary enzymes and organic properties of living foods. I knew before that the more vegetables were cooked the more nutrients they retained, which is another thing that seems sort of intuitive. But, from this angle, cooked foods are not only lacking nutrients but they are detrimental to one's health.

Another huge point of his, though, is drinking lots of fresh vegetable and fruit juices. He talks about the specific benefits of the juice of each plant as well as mixing them for the purpose of helping certain problems or promoting the health of specific areass of the body. Juicing is important, he says, because some of the nutrients in foods are expended in order to digest the food and takes a long time, whereas the nutrients in the juices can be absorbed within minutes. It is important to juice and drink them fresh, though, because they lose much of their value 30 minutes after juicing.

A major thrust of his teachings are promoting colon health. Walker (not to be confused with Texan law enforcement) argues that 80% of disease finds its origin in the colon. According to his argument, when waste isn't moving through the colon normally, it ferments and putrifies, releasing toxins into the body which cause all kinds of ailments. He talks about how many people's normal diet is largely inorganic and leads to the build-up of slime on the walls of the colon which not only stays there but can block absorption of nutrients. The fibers of raw foods act as an intestinal broom, cleaning this out. He also advocates regular colon irrigations, which is essentially washing out the colon with water to remove waste that has accumulated.

Sounds bizarre, huh? I mean, even besides the colon irrgations, it seems hard to think that the way most people have been preparing food for hundreds of years is actually detrimental to human health. Then again, it make sense that although the human body is very adaptable, we reap what we sow in our old age as all the abuse the body has taken over the years starts to show. We naturally link old age and poor health, but I have heard from a couple places that this is not necessarily true and that a lot of cancers, senility, vericose veins, arthritis and other problems associated with old age are because of poor health choices throughout life. A natural death would then be seen as a short, peaceful death without degeneration over tens of years.

My jury is still out but I am very thoughtfully considering making some diet changes. Norm Walker made it to 99, which is pretty good, seeing as the average for males now is 74.7. I'm interested to hear your reactions.

Progress

2010-09-20T19:10:00.002-05:00

If you have a moment, please answer the following question:

What is progress?

(this question was provoked by this art exhibit I heard about in February.)

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism

2010-09-09T19:46:00.000-05:00

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism
It is perfectly legitimate to criticize Israel’s policies. Israelis do it all the time in blistering debates. But criticism crosses the line into classic anti-Semitism when it exhibits what Natan Sharansky called the “Three Ds.”

Delegitimization: The Jewish State has no right to exist. Israelis do not belong in the Middle East.

Double Standards: Israel is condemned harshly for self-defense measures and social problems that are seen as acceptable or inevitable in other nations.

Demonization: Through distortions and lies, Israel is depicted as the world’s most evil and dangerous country, and the claim is made that if the Jewish State ceased to exist, the Middle East’s—and the world’s—main problems would be solved.

The Link: Anti-Semitism is hatred for Jews, their communities and their way of life. It includes demonizing and dehumanizing Jews as a group. Anti-Zionism is hatred for Israel, the modern center of Jewish life and continuity. This is why many people claim that Anti-Zionism, or hatred for Israel, is a modern variation of classical anti-Semitism. “Anti-Semitic bigotry is no less morally deplorable when camouflaged as anti-Israelism or anti-Zionism,” according to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.1 People of goodwill must try to see through anti-Israel propaganda in order to foster reasonable dialogue.

1-“Findings and Recommendations of the United States Commission on Civil Rights Regarding Campus Anti-Semitism,” U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, April 3, 2006.

Gravity

2010-09-07T09:51:00.003-05:00

The red balloon floats placidly away
Palms empty, open boldly to the sky
The mournful breeze blows soft across this face
Silent eyes pressed closed, not asking why

go tell it on the molehill

2010-08-23T17:05:00.002-05:00

cocoon
white room
dusty tormentor
flecks on the floor
forgot the window
again

outside? forest fire.

just:
breathe easy
walk straight
save it for later

Milk Paint

2010-08-19T22:07:00.001-05:00

I recently read an interesting article on design*sponge about using milk paint on furniture, a product of which I had never heard. Shortly after, my mom told me about a new (to us) woodworking store that had all kinds of woodworking supplies. "Do they have milk paint?" I inquired on a whim, not anticipating her affirmative answer!

I therefore decided I should try my hand at it with an old end table I've always liked and had been wanting to modify.

the specimen

before the poly coat

the awkwardly angled and lit photo of the finished product

What did the astronomer say he needed when he was dirty and had bad water pressure in his house?

2010-08-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

Meteor Shower! (get it? like, "meaty-er shower"...I'll be here all week)

So a big group of us went out to see the meteor shower Thursday night.It was great because all my boys came and a bunch of my friends. We drove out to Louisberg and when I looked at the sky, I thought I was looking at the milky way from a telescope, it was so clear. I didn't really know what to expect, but given the name I imagined millions of flashes of light raining down throughout the night. It was more like catching a glimpse of a shooting stars quite often, which was almost more gratifying because even though they were the reason we were there and staring at the sky, they seemed somewhat unexpected every time. I couldn't help but squeal like a little pansy in wonder sometimes. They seemed so close to our faces. It was amazing.

I dare not try to capture an event like this on a sub-par camera...but we did see this giant preying (praying?) mantis on the way there at the gas station. The picture doesn't quite capture the size, but trust me, this one was a buick.

Last week, before I knew about the meteor shower, I was struck with inspiration while I was grinding coffee at work, so I scribbled this little diddy onto a paper towel. I guess it was pretty cool timing...

With glory and beauty He crowns the night
like moments passing
word without song

bringin closing timing
finding lost won
One
voice
voice
singing
praising, crying

often wondering
waiting
for shooting stars
lying face up staring into nothing

Thank you, L-rd, that I didn't have to wait too long, that I can stare into something. I love you deeply, like squeezing and scraping on my insides. You move me to tears every time.Thank you for your patience through my resistance and immaturity. I feel love for you even as you wear a veil...please let it not be for too long...

22 candles

2010-08-13T13:50:00.000-05:00

I am a very special girl. I pretty much got four celebrations for my 22nd birthday. First was a spectacular surprise by my small group (headed up by Jess), then pies at KL the night before, then my actual bday (everyone came to see me at work, then lunch with my mom, present from Bill, then dinner with Jess, Ang and Aliyah), then my family birthday picnic a week later (I wanted to wait until my bro got back from CO- he's one of my 2 fave brothers.). Needless to say, I felt like the center of the world for a little while. I'd like to say I felt uncomfortable and wanted it to stop because I'm so selfless, but....it was great fun. :) The picnic was a great climax because I planned out the menu in advanced and my mom and I spent all afternoon cooking/preparing. I even made homemade ginger ale with strawberry consumme! (thanks design sponge.)

The boys had a good playing tru fris as my mom and I got the table ready, although the weather felt like vietnam....

...I didn't mind, though. I was caught up in the romanticism of the moment. I love this particular place at shawnee mission park, and the picnic turned out just how I wanted it with festive foods and drinks and everyone playing.

Then we had my mom's banana cream pie and I got to do candles and everything (in regard to the sweat stains, see aforementioned weather conditions).

Ol' Granny McHolzhueter had her unmentionables in a bunch, as usual.


Just candid.

All that said, I had a wonderful 22nd observation of my life. I got many great presents including a watch (ironman triathalon timex from bill which I proceeded to lose a few days later, and after a few days and a few tears, recovered), a spray painted card by my littlest bro, an original art piece and iron & wine cd from Dillon, a bunch of things from my parents which were everything I needed and would have asked for had I made a list...and finally (drum roll, please)....ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE! This was very big and completely unexpected, but was something I really wanted, but I didn't know how I could swing it financially. A HUGE blessing! Thanks mom and dad. I was speechless.

This concludes perhaps the most narcissistic post in the history of blogger. Thanks to everyone for a great bday.

Passing Afternoon

2010-07-23T14:42:00.003-05:00

"Passing Afternoon" by Iron and Wine

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she lets them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
Her baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

*better when you listen while reading

The Number One Country in Threatening World Peace

2010-06-12T11:52:00.000-05:00

"Jews is news. Whatever a Jew or better yet the Jewish State, Israel, does, it always grabs the headlines. The double standard to which the world holds Israel is nothing short of supernatural. The fact that two-thirds of all UN resolutions passed since 1990 have condemned Israel is classic illustration of this point. No one seems to care that Israel, the only democracy in the Middle East, is surrounded by twenty-two non-democratic, totalitarian Arab states with little or no human rights or free speech. Syria occupies Lebanon for decades, but the world ignores it. Pol Pot kills 1.5 million Cambodians in the 1970's yet the UN never passed one resolution condemning him, yet when Israel starts building a fence to keep out suicide bombers the world goes mad. A 2003 European Union survey listed Israel as the number one country in the world threatening world peace beating out such peaceloving nations as North Korea, Iran, Syria and Libya."

-The Washington Post columnist, Charles Krauthammer

my kaddish is broken

2010-06-06T18:33:00.002-05:00

holy, holy, holy, L-rd G-d Almighty,
early in the morning,

too early
doubled over, clenching

her dirge
shall rise to Thee

“my sons..

holy, holy, holy, merciful

“…have mercy on us”

and mighty

how can

G-d in three Persons,

be

blessed Trinity?

holy, holy, holy
the darkness hide Thee
the eye of sinful man thy glory

cannot see

Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,

there is none
there is none
there is nothing

perfect in power
there are no words

in love,

wrenching

and purity

a handful of dirt in a hole in the ground

holy, holy, holy…
L-rd G-d Almighty?
all Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea

where you left us

holy, holy, holy; merciful

man of sorrows

and mighty

true judge

G-d

as in His high heavens
peace
for us
and all Israel

how can we

say amen?

Mark Twain- "Concerning the Jews"

2010-05-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

"If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one per cent. of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star-dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of; but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.

He has made a marvelous fight in this world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished.

The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?"

full text: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/1898twain-jews.html

the grand canyon and my not-so-grand budget

2010-05-17T21:28:00.004-05:00

thanks, cassie, for the recommendation. now, i need a recommendation of how to obtain an extra $87...and a way to not look like a mutant.

speaking of cash/money, I was very recently invited to take a road trip with two of my good high school class friends down to the grand canyon and do some camping/hiking. I've been crunching numbers to see if there's any way I can make it work. If I can pick up some extra shifts, perhaps. Or I may tap into my "emergency fund," seeing how I may or may not ever have a chance like this again. The trip will be relatively cheap, but I'd basically miss a pay period and would have to buy a backpack.

I just need to postpone responsibility for a while.

P.S. Did you know you can feed the fish? :)

naked feet

2010-05-15T20:21:00.000-05:00

So I heard an article on NPR regarding barefoot running staring a scholarly dude who studied a tribal group of people who were characterized as skilled (barefoot) runners. He was a big advocate, passionately asserting that continuous use of running shoes by runners ends up causing chronic stress injuries in the feet and legs. He argues that the human body is designed to absorb the shock and that the stride of running barefoot which causes one to land on the midfoot and ball of the foot is much better than impact on the heel that running shoes cause.

I say all this to say that after reading a bit more and having my interest piqued, and also after a strong desire to get back in shape after a long, sedentary semester doing schoolwork, I am going to slowly try this practice. I gave it a little try today, not far at all- less than a quarter mile probably. It felt weird but didn't cause any pain. I'm going to try to slowly keep adding more time barefoot until my body adapts to this new style of running.

updates to follow. skinny jeans and happy feet, here I come!

The Bhutanese

2010-05-07T14:26:00.011-05:00

For those of you who might be interested, I completed my research on the Bhutanese refugee community in KCK. Below you will find my paper (read: intro and last paragraph will give the basic idea) along with some demographic mapping of the neighborhood. Hopefully it's readable. I really wanted to upload some sounds bites from my interviews so people could hear their lovely little accents, but not can do, I guess. Does anyone know how I could do that?

The Dynamics of Displacement: The Bhutanese Refugee Community in Kansas City, Kansas

The position of a refugee is a complicated one with varied perspectives of how they should be treated. Although the position of the refugee is of international concern, one does not have to look far from the local scene to come in contact with these displaced people. The purpose of this research was to examine the situation of the Bhutanese refugees living in Kansas City, Kansas and to understand their role in the dynamics of the ethnically diverse neighborhood in which they live.
I was referred to a friend of a friend who works for an organization called “Mission Adelante.” This organization is based in Kansas City, Kansas and works primarily with the numerous Hispanic immigrants in the area, offering various forms of community support such as language classes and children's programs. Mission Adelante launched a refugee support branch about two years ago lead by David Steler, the person with whom I worked to arrange most of my research. The initial referral to David Stetler was what provoked my interest in researching the Bhutanese refugee community because of the connections that were available. Because of the basis of my decision to research this community, my specific research purpose was open-ended until further information was gathered.

My first meeting with David Stetler proved enlightening and evocative. I was introduced to a community of displaced individuals who found themselves in the middle of a foreign country that and a city that, for the majority of the group, was arbitrarily chosen by someone else,. These Bhutanese refugees originally descended from a group of Bhutanese who immigrated to Nepal about 200 years ago. Conflict came when the Bhutanese living there began to form a political party and interact with the Nepali people in a way that the Bhutanese government did not approve. This eventually led to the group of about 100,000 who were living there to be required to leave. They were not citizens of Bhutan nor would Bhutan recognize them and accept them back. Because of this, they were trapped between two nations with nowhere to go but refugee camps between the two countries. These people lived in these camps for about 20 years until outside governments stepped in and allowed them to be resettled in other locations. The United States agreed to receive 60,000 Bhutanese refugees to be resettled all over the United States. There are about 600-700 Bhutanese living in the Kansas City metro area in two different locations, one of which is the community on which I researched, in Kansas City, Kansas.

In talking to David Stetler, I was given some information in light of the focus of this project, spatial segregation. He described that the Bhutanese had been settled in the area because of the resources that were available to them such as the Don Bosco Center, a social service agency; Catholic Charties, the non-government agency the federal government works with to place refugees on the Kansas side of the Kansas City metro; and David's agency, Mission Adelante, a non-profit religious social service agency. An interesting aspect of information to note about this community is that it is primarily composed of Spanish-speaking people, namely Hispanic immigrants. In addition to this, over time there has been a “crowding out” phenomenon as the Hispanic community has pushed out the surrounding African-American community.

After a preliminary realization of this information, I was interested in finding out the dynamics and tensions, if any, of a very diverse area. The purpose of this research became focused on the experiences of the Bhutanese refugees in Kansas City in light of already existing theoretical framework and other scholarly perspectives on refugees. I was also interested in gathering information about the dynamics between the various demographics that make up this KCK neighborhood.

The majority of the data for this research was conducted through in-depth interview, starting with David Stetler and leading to individual interviews with six Bhutanese refugees. In addition to this, the program SimplyMap was used in order to gather demographic information about the neighborhood.

A useful article for understanding the various perspectives toward refugees in the United States is Jeremy Hein's piece “Refugees, Immigrants, and the State.” As shown in the article, the United Nations defines a “refugee” as a person who “owing to a well founded fear of persecution for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group or political opinion, is outside the country of his nationality and is unable or, owing to such fear, is unwilling to avail himself with that country.” This definition applies to the KCK community of Bhutanese refugees because they were members of a particular nationality and social group that were forced to be outside the country that had been their home for 200 years.(Hein 44)

Hain discusses two contrasting perspectives toward refugees, one view refugees as exiles displaced from their place or origin, and the other viewing the term “refugee” as a social construct, seeing refugees in essentially the same light as immigrants. He explains that the push-pull theory of international migration comes from a realist perspective in that it makes a distinction between immigrants and refugees. This difference can be found in the difference between planned and chosen migration and a spontaneous and obligatory move. Hain explains that internal migration is common among both refugees and immigrants before international migration. He also states that refugees use kin and friendship networks to aid their entrance into new society in the same manner as immigrants. The realist perspective and the some of the aforementioned aspects he draws attention to seem to be true of the Bhutanese refugees. The Bhutanese experienced internal migration as they had to migrate to refugee camps long before the resettlement process began. In regard to the statement about kinship ties, my research indicated that they were not the same as immigrants, especially when in comes to the immigrant pattern of “chain migration,” or cumulative causation. “Chain migration” is the pattern where immigrants attract family and friends from their country or origin, thus creating chains of people who continue to immigrate and the network keeps expanding. (Massey 42) Refugees have limited choice about their destination. Although the government of a refugee-receiving country might choose to send refugees to a community where there are resources, including social capital, for this group, the United States' government often chooses to distribute refugees spatially throughout the U.S. Refugees are unable to receive government financial assistance if they choose a different geographic location. (Hein 49)

In Peter Marcuse’s piece, The Enclave, the Citadel, and the Ghetto: What Has Changed in the Post-Fordist U.S. City,” he discusses various types of spatial segregation. My research indicated that two of these three types are visible in this particular neighborhood. The immediate are where the Bhutanese could be considered an enclave, although not a Bhutanese enclave but a Hispanic immigrant enclave. This type of segregation he describes as being an area where people sharing ethnic or religious background congregated in order to improve their economic, social, political or cultural development. The second type that can be observed is the ghetto, which he describes as a spatially segregated area which can be seen as subject and inferior to those outside the area. In this case, the aforementioned enclave is surrounded by what could be considered a black ghetto, especially directly to the north of the Hispanic enclave.

The specific boundaries of the area I studied in Kansas City, Kansas are as follows: a central point was 18th street and Central with the boundaries from 29th to 7th street east to west and Minnesota to 70 Highway north to south. I was able to do demographic mapping with SimplyMap, which was helpful in understanding the ethnic make-up of the neighborhood. In the appendix section are maps that show the Hispanic, Black, and White make-up of the area I studied. It was evident from the maps that the “crowding out” phenomonon was actual in reality, as it was easy to see that where the Hispanic population was most dense, the black population was most sparse and vice-versa. For instance, at a central point in the neighborhood at 18th and Central, the maps showed the area to be 8-15% black and 45-60% Hispanic.

When I addressed ethnic tension in my refugee interviews, my main finding was that the interviewees had neutral attitudes toward the Hispanic community. Most said that they had little interaction with their Spanish-speaking neighbors because of the language barrier. A few mentioned that they could be confused to be Mexican because of their physical similarities and that their neighbors were often surprised to find out that they did not, in fact, speak Spanish. I was interested in finding out what language was most important for them to know, English or Spanish, since Spanish was so widely spoken in the community. Unanimously, the response was English, as all the social service agencies that work with the refugees are English-speaking agencies. Some interviewees as well as David Stetler mentioned that they would have more job opportunities within the community if they could speak Spanish, though, instead of having to venture out geographically. One interviewee mentioned that some of the others had trouble because of tension between the Hispanic community and black community, saying that there were times where they would be cut off in traffic or be in danger of being robbed at night because they were confused by black people to be Mexicans. The reason for the perceived animosity between the Hispanics and blacks is unknown to me at this point; it was not something for which I probed in my interview questions.

There were many questions asked of the Bhutanese that applied to the areas of occupation, living conditions, age, size of family, and more. The answers were in-depth and comprehensive, allowing for a highly valid understanding of the refugee experience. Most of the questions elicited the same responses which enhances the credibility of the results. Most respondents did not choose to move to Kansas City. All said they liked living in the neighborhood, that it was good and safe and that they appreciated all the assistance they received. Most had not been in the United States long, several less than a year. They all resided with their expended families which were fairly large in number- more than five per household. All but one had to travel outside the city for work and described difficulties with acquiring transportation. One of my favorite question responses was for the question, “How long do you intend to remain living here?” The unanimous initial response was to laugh, and say something to the effect of “indefinitely.” Most accepted that they had been resettled in Kansas City and seemed pleased to be out of the camps.

I took many pictures of the neighborhood, most of which alluded to a strong Hispanic presence. There were many churches, stores, parking signs, etc. that were either written in English and Spanish or in Spanish only. From the pictures of the local high school and middle school, it appeared that both the Bhutanese and the Hispanic people had access to good education, as much as I could infer from the well-kept look of these buildings. There was not any visual evidence of Bhutanese refugees in the neighborhood, except for the possibility that a mural which seemed to depict the history of the community alluded to blacks, Hispanics, and possibly Bhutanese were living together at present day.

I conclusion I drew from my research was that the Bhutanese experience seemed to line up with the realist perspective toward refugees, that they do have truly unique experiences from those of immigrants. The group living in KCK was too new to make any conclusions about their pattern of spatial assimilation; many had been there less than a year and had been sent to the area by the United States government. All in all, this endeavor was a rewarding experience as it allowed for me to better connect with and understand a group of people with a rich culture and an epic history that lead to them taking residence in the metropolitan area in which I live. It is worth taking note, although not necessarily applicable to this research, that my interactions with the Bhutanese gave me a generous dose of perspective. By this I mean that many seemed very grateful to be living in an area that some Johnson County residents look down upon. One respondent was grateful that he made a friend at his job at Wal Mart because now he doesn’t have to walk several miles to and from his job, which was especially difficult in the winter snow. There were many things they were content with that my peers and I would probably complain about. I have a lot of respect for these people and hope to be able to work with them more in the future.

the good picture book

2010-04-29T22:24:00.004-05:00

the above picture was created by a polish illustrator named januzc grabianski...i love his illustrations. i found him when I went to a giant used bookstore with bill in detroit. the little Bible story book caught my eye simply because the illustrations were so beautiful. i tried to scan some more in, but they don't do them justice. but you get the idea. lately I've running across artists i like and finding out that they're polish?