i miss...

sometimes i miss being a part of music-making like a part of me is in a hibernation coma. lately it has been stirring. i miss it more than other things i could be missing right now.

this is what i miss about my old school...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDS96dKzbRU(it's kind of a lame video, but that's the Southeastern Singers)
the guy on keys used to play shows at the cafe i worked at down there and i would wait for hours with my friends before the show so we could have close seats.

i miss worship team in youth group, fine arts festival music, playing flute in marching band and concert band, worship choir at southeastern university, wind ensemble and the soul in the music at southeastern, and more...



i hope (pray) it whistles back at me soon, although id be extra rusty....

A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

I recited this poem for my oral interpretation class back when I was studying English. It moved me, especially because of the dreams that he most likely had in mind as he wrote in the midst of the Harlem Renaissance. I have been thinking about this poem in light of dreams in general- my own dreams, but also the dreams of many of my dear friends and their vision for the city of Merriam. It’s hard for me to watch people I love who have invested much in something so unselfish and not see much of the tangible fruit of what they have been asking and working for. I know that we as humans can’t see the big picture and don’t know what His timing is for things- it’s often different than ours. I get that, but sometimes...I really don't.

I think about this poem I’ve held onto in light of a verse that I’ve held onto over the years:

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay

Habakkuk 2:3

We wait for our deferred dreams, the ones that are of the L-rd.

It’s funny how sometimes people point out verses in the Bible that I know I must have read before, but it leaps out at me as if it had been hiding. One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes, and my brother showed me this verse last night:

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.
Ecclesiastes 5:7

Something I’m chewing on….

stranger than...

I need a good fiction book. Any recommendations?

Norman Walker disciple...to be or not to be?

SO (my mom pointed out how often I begin statements with this conjunction) I have been reading some propaganda in favor of a raw foods diet. A couple of friends and I recently delved into conversation about nutrition, health and the problems with Western medicine. They recommended that I read Norman Walker's books...he's totally their dude and they've been following his diet and health methods for years. One of them used to have bad acne and after a few months of raw foods and fresh juices she saw improvements. She now has completely clear skin. The other used to suffer from fatigue and headaches a lot and now doesn't deal with these symptoms and says she doesn't get sick.

The thing is, I've started reading some of Norm's stuff and I must say it seems shockingly radical upon first hearing. He basically advocates only eating raw fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts, which isn't all that different from many other nutrition articles I've read as far as these things being beneficial. His books talk about how processed foods are deplete of any nutritional value (which is also nothing new) as well as how cooking above 120 degrees Fahrenheit kills off the necessary enzymes and organic properties of living foods. I knew before that the more vegetables were cooked the more nutrients they retained, which is another thing that seems sort of intuitive. But, from this angle, cooked foods are not only lacking nutrients but they are detrimental to one's health.

Another huge point of his, though, is drinking lots of fresh vegetable and fruit juices. He talks about the specific benefits of the juice of each plant as well as mixing them for the purpose of helping certain problems or promoting the health of specific areass of the body. Juicing is important, he says, because some of the nutrients in foods are expended in order to digest the food and takes a long time, whereas the nutrients in the juices can be absorbed within minutes. It is important to juice and drink them fresh, though, because they lose much of their value 30 minutes after juicing.

A major thrust of his teachings are promoting colon health. Walker (not to be confused with Texan law enforcement) argues that 80% of disease finds its origin in the colon. According to his argument, when waste isn't moving through the colon normally, it ferments and putrifies, releasing toxins into the body which cause all kinds of ailments. He talks about how many people's normal diet is largely inorganic and leads to the build-up of slime on the walls of the colon which not only stays there but can block absorption of nutrients. The fibers of raw foods act as an intestinal broom, cleaning this out. He also advocates regular colon irrigations, which is essentially washing out the colon with water to remove waste that has accumulated.

Sounds bizarre, huh? I mean, even besides the colon irrgations, it seems hard to think that the way most people have been preparing food for hundreds of years is actually detrimental to human health. Then again, it make sense that although the human body is very adaptable, we reap what we sow in our old age as all the abuse the body has taken over the years starts to show. We naturally link old age and poor health, but I have heard from a couple places that this is not necessarily true and that a lot of cancers, senility, vericose veins, arthritis and other problems associated with old age are because of poor health choices throughout life. A natural death would then be seen as a short, peaceful death without degeneration over tens of years.

My jury is still out but I am very thoughtfully considering making some diet changes. Norm Walker made it to 99, which is pretty good, seeing as the average for males now is 74.7. I'm interested to hear your reactions.

Progress

If you have a moment, please answer the following question:

What is progress?


(this question was provoked by this art exhibit I heard about in February.)

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism
It is perfectly legitimate to criticize Israel’s policies. Israelis do it all the time in blistering debates. But criticism crosses the line into classic anti-Semitism when it exhibits what Natan Sharansky called the “Three Ds.”

Delegitimization: The Jewish State has no right to exist. Israelis do not belong in the Middle East.

Double Standards: Israel is condemned harshly for self-defense measures and social problems that are seen as acceptable or inevitable in other nations.

Demonization: Through distortions and lies, Israel is depicted as the world’s most evil and dangerous country, and the claim is made that if the Jewish State ceased to exist, the Middle East’s—and the world’s—main problems would be solved.

The Link: Anti-Semitism is hatred for Jews, their communities and their way of life. It includes demonizing and dehumanizing Jews as a group. Anti-Zionism is hatred for Israel, the modern center of Jewish life and continuity. This is why many people claim that Anti-Zionism, or hatred for Israel, is a modern variation of classical anti-Semitism. “Anti-Semitic bigotry is no less morally deplorable when camouflaged as anti-Israelism or anti-Zionism,” according to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.1 People of goodwill must try to see through anti-Israel propaganda in order to foster reasonable dialogue.

1-“Findings and Recommendations of the United States Commission on Civil Rights Regarding Campus Anti-Semitism,” U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, April 3, 2006.

Gravity

The red balloon floats placidly away
Palms empty, open boldly to the sky
The mournful breeze blows soft across this face
Silent eyes pressed closed, not asking why

go tell it on the molehill

cocoon
white room
dusty tormentor
flecks on the floor
forgot the window
again

outside? forest fire.

just:
breathe easy
walk straight
save it for later

Milk Paint

I recently read an interesting article on design*sponge about using milk paint on furniture, a product of which I had never heard. Shortly after, my mom told me about a new (to us) woodworking store that had all kinds of woodworking supplies. "Do they have milk paint?" I inquired on a whim, not anticipating her affirmative answer!

I therefore decided I should try my hand at it with an old end table I've always liked and had been wanting to modify.

the specimen

before the poly coat

the awkwardly angled and lit photo of the finished product

What did the astronomer say he needed when he was dirty and had bad water pressure in his house?

Meteor Shower! (get it? like, "meaty-er shower"...I'll be here all week)

So a big group of us went out to see the meteor shower Thursday night.It was great because all my boys came and a bunch of my friends. We drove out to Louisberg and when I looked at the sky, I thought I was looking at the milky way from a telescope, it was so clear. I didn't really know what to expect, but given the name I imagined millions of flashes of light raining down throughout the night. It was more like catching a glimpse of a shooting stars quite often, which was almost more gratifying because even though they were the reason we were there and staring at the sky, they seemed somewhat unexpected every time. I couldn't help but squeal like a little pansy in wonder sometimes. They seemed so close to our faces. It was amazing.

I dare not try to capture an event like this on a sub-par camera...but we did see this giant preying (praying?) mantis on the way there at the gas station. The picture doesn't quite capture the size, but trust me, this one was a buick.

 

Last week, before I knew about the meteor shower, I was struck with inspiration while I was grinding coffee at work, so I scribbled this little diddy onto a paper towel. I guess it was pretty cool timing...

With glory and beauty He crowns the night
like moments passing
word without song

bringin closing timing
finding lost won
One
voice
voice
singing
praising, crying

often wondering
waiting
for shooting stars
lying face up staring into nothing


Thank you, L-rd, that I didn't have to wait too long, that I can stare into something. I love you deeply, like squeezing and scraping on my insides. You move me to tears every time.Thank you for your patience through my resistance and immaturity. I feel love for you even as you wear a veil...please let it not be for too long...

22 candles

I am a very special girl. I pretty much got four celebrations for my 22nd birthday. First was a spectacular surprise by my small group (headed up by Jess), then pies at KL the  night before, then my actual bday (everyone came to see me at work, then lunch with my mom, present from Bill, then dinner with Jess, Ang and Aliyah), then my family birthday picnic a week later (I wanted to wait until my bro got back from CO- he's one of my 2 fave brothers.). Needless to say, I felt like the center of the world for a little while. I'd like to say I felt uncomfortable and wanted it to stop because I'm so selfless, but....it was great fun. :) The picnic was a great climax because I planned out the menu in advanced and my mom and I spent all afternoon cooking/preparing. I even made homemade ginger ale with strawberry consumme! (thanks design sponge.)

The boys had a good playing tru fris as  my mom and I got the table ready, although the weather felt like vietnam....

...I didn't mind, though. I was caught up in the romanticism of the moment. I love this particular place at shawnee mission park, and the picnic turned out just how I wanted it with festive foods and drinks and everyone playing.

Then we had my mom's banana cream pie and I got to do candles and everything (in regard to the sweat stains, see aforementioned weather conditions).

Ol' Granny McHolzhueter had her unmentionables in a bunch, as usual.

Just candid.

 All that said, I had a wonderful 22nd observation of my life. I got many great presents including a watch (ironman triathalon timex from bill which I proceeded to lose a few days later, and after a few days and a few tears, recovered), a spray painted card by my littlest bro, an original art piece and iron & wine cd from Dillon, a bunch of things from my parents which were everything I needed and would have asked for had I made a list...and finally (drum roll, please)....ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE! This was very big and completely unexpected, but was something I really wanted, but I didn't know how I could swing it financially. A HUGE blessing! Thanks mom and dad. I was speechless.

This concludes perhaps the most narcissistic post in the history of blogger. Thanks to everyone for a great bday.

Passing Afternoon

"Passing Afternoon" by Iron and Wine

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she lets them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
Her baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

*better when you listen while reading

The Number One Country in Threatening World Peace

"Jews is news. Whatever a Jew or better yet the Jewish State, Israel, does, it always grabs the headlines. The double standard to which the world holds Israel is nothing short of supernatural. The fact that two-thirds of all UN resolutions passed since 1990 have condemned Israel is classic illustration of this point. No one seems to care that Israel, the only democracy in the Middle East, is surrounded by twenty-two non-democratic, totalitarian Arab states with little or no human rights or free speech. Syria occupies Lebanon for decades, but the world ignores it. Pol Pot kills 1.5 million Cambodians in the 1970's yet the UN never passed one resolution condemning him, yet when Israel starts building a fence to keep out suicide bombers the world goes mad. A 2003 European Union survey listed Israel as the number one country in the world threatening world peace beating out such peaceloving nations as North Korea, Iran, Syria and Libya."

-The Washington Post columnist, Charles Krauthammer

my kaddish is broken

holy, holy, holy, L-rd G-d Almighty,
early in the morning,

too early
doubled over, clenching

her dirge
shall rise to Thee

“my sons..

holy, holy, holy, merciful

“…have mercy on us”

and mighty

how can

G-d in three Persons,

be

blessed Trinity?


holy, holy, holy
the darkness hide Thee
the eye of sinful man thy glory

cannot see

Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,

there is none
there is none
there is nothing


perfect in power
there are no words

in love,

wrenching

and purity

a handful of dirt in a hole in the ground

holy, holy, holy…
L-rd G-d Almighty?
all Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea

where you left us

holy, holy, holy; merciful

man of sorrows

and mighty

true judge

G-d

as in His high heavens
peace
for us
and all Israel

how can we

say amen?

Mark Twain- "Concerning the Jews"

"If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one per cent. of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star-dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of; but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.

He has made a marvelous fight in this world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished.

The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?"

full text: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/1898twain-jews.html