read this, if you dare.

It's in here.

photog

I have "discovered" National Geographic photography on which I waste spend much time.

nice.

me: http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough//files/2010/05/cr_mega_758_RTR2DULU.jpg

Dillon: She reminds me of Madam Blueberry.

me: I'm sure she gets that a lot.

Dillon: I'm sure she gets a lot of stuff a lot. I mean this is a partisan system of democracy.

Do They Take Requests? (The Plight of the Selective Listener)

My Monday and Friday drive home from downtown often leaves me in frustration. The tape deck of my circa 1994 4-speed Tercel leaves me with sparse choices in terms of auditory entertainment- music stations that leave much to be desired, NPR or silence (to which I usually absolve in the end). I find it odd that I often can’t listen to mainstream radio or Christian radio because of the same reasons: compromises they’d bring to my integrity, convictions, or taste. Where are the talented, original and sincere G-d fearing musicians? Why must we often choose from among the quality of the music, the musician and the message? Please let this armchair critic bring my thoughts before an audience, whoever you are. 

There are plenty of critics of Contemporary Christian music and radio, but they vary greatly according to theoretical framework, rendering their criticisms contradictory in conclusion. Two polar examples is the “Christian music is too like the world with a watered-down message”  and “Christian music is fake and lacking diversity and artistic originality.”  A while ago, most of my Christian college friends and myself who sought a more “edgy” expression leaned toward the latter, in agreement that most CCM was canned-- heated to the point of killing the bad bacteria along with the live enzymes resulting in a product that is safe for everyone’s consumption. We all agreed that Christian radio was the same result of marketing research as were all the other stations, lifting the same criticism to CCM as to an indie artist who sold out to a big-name label.

“ The Splintered Art World of Contemporary Christian Music” by Jay R. Howard and John M. Streck offers a great scholarly effort to dissect the problematic situation of Christians and their music, that is, which prepositions and conjunctions to describe their relationship to the world. Their article was written in 1996, so some of their examples reflect this, although I think the points made within it remain applicable  today, nearly 15 years later.

In Howard and Streck’s article, they describe a few different positions that believers in the industry have taken. The first is Separational CCM, that which is evangelistic in nature, focused “salvation, evangelisation of non-believers, and the separateness of the faithful.” (43) DeGarmo and Key in their time seem to have confronted the opposite problem my current generation observes about CCM. On being labeled a crossover band (appearing on both Christian and secular categorizations), Eddie DeGarmo commented “I think the term is a misnomer. The Bible is very specific about the world not liking Jesus. So being a crossover band, you find that it is very difficult to actually 'take the cross over' ... To record for a Christian label . . . is a censorship issue . .. because [only] Christian labels would allow us to sing the songs that we wanted to sing. [Songs] which happen to talk about Christ. Secular labels would not. “ (DeGarmo and Key 1993) (43)

Separational CCM not only confronts resistance toward it message with the mainstream industry but with the Christian world also. As the article puts it, “Separational CCM has also been defined (and limited) by Christianity's ongoing debate over the details of ortho-doxy, for with a denominationally diverse Christian audience one is guaranteed to offend someone, regardless of the view presented, should one stray too far from the universally accepted, and often meaningless, religious cliches.” This leaves room for very little in lyrical content besides “the conversion experience, the requirement of a personal relationship with Jesus, and repackaging the gospel story in a contemporary and commercial fashion.” Hence, the early CCM industry featured artists whose commercial success had a direct relationship with the amount of times their songs said the name “Jesus.” (44)

  

I once took a class which was entitled “Integrating Faith in the Communication Arts.” In this class, one of the main thrusts of my professor was that Christianity in general has the answer but often fails to recognize or understand the questions. This problem became especially true of early CCM. “As early as 1982, Glenn Kaiser of Resurrection Band (now Rez) claimed, 'I think the Christians have created a musical sub-culture that doesn't really relate to unbelievers' (Newcomb-Smith 1982, p. 13)… 'We have to communicate the basic truths,' states one artist. 'We don't have a lot of time, at a concert or high school assembly, to be subtle' (Wittenburg Door 1984, p. 24). Never an end unto itself, Separational CCM lacks value apart from its proselytizing function and thus the Separational artist breaks no new ground musically or lyrically (Cusic 1990, p. 227); they become a 'Spiritual Salesman' promoting 'bumper sticker theology'. (44)

Major record labels began to take notice of the market for Christian music in the 1970’s. Big Christian labels such as Word and Benson sold to mainstream companies such as ABC, Thomas Nelson Publishers and EMI. Other big labels such as Warner Brothers sought to take advantage of the Evangelical market and went the route of forming their own new labels such as Warner-Alliance, Warner Brothers Christian extension. Many Christian artists at this time embraced the changes. These Integrational artists changed the game from the previous Separationists by seeking to be placed on the same store shelves as the rest of mainstream music. Interestingly, this led to the need for a change in the content of the music. “Thus, Amy Grant moves from 'Sing your praise to the Lord' (1982) to 'you could be so good for me' (1991);3 Kim Hill from 'I will wait on the Lord' (1991) to a country ditty about a wife who leaves her abusive husband called 'Janie's Gone Fishin' (1994).” (45) In defense of this change, these artists offer a more positive message or Biblical perspective on the same types of topics mainstream music touches on. Amy Grant suggests, 'There are a lot of songs that I just write and the only differentiation between them and secular pop music that I would say is that they are an observation of everyday life from a Christian perspective' (Millard 1986, p. 155).

A third option that over time developed was the Transformational artists. “They view their music as a reflection of the creative Divine Image of God found in all humans, and as such, inherently valuable regardless of its utility for evangelism or exhortation. “ Transformational artists, in contradiction to Separational artists that argue “that gospel music loses its purpose (evangelism) when it becomes 'art for art's sake' (p. iv), for those operating under the assumptions of the Transformational subgenre, 'art for art's sake' is a perfectly (if not the only) acceptable rationale. In the view of many Transformational artists, one must answer the Bible's call for social justice, in addition to that of personal morality - an idea which challenges the personal theology of many Evangelicals.” (47) Transformational artists often offered criticisms of both society and the church, sometimes even in the same song. In the words of Christian artist T Bone Burnett put it, “‘I learned early on that if you believe Jesus is the Light of the World there are two kinds of songs you can write - you can write songs about the Light, or about what you see by the Light.’ (Flanagan 1986, p. 52). Most Christians working in the mainstream industry - like the Transformational CCM artists - chose the latter approach.” (49)

All that said, I think “splintered” is a good term to describe the whole scenario. Historically I’ve been one who sought out transformational artists or generally non-CCM artists whose music was of the kind that I liked, with and to which I could connect and move, and which didn’t violate my morals outright (unless I liked the sound too much to pass it up, even without meeting that last requirement). Now I find myself not only taking the message of the music into account but also the spiritual state of the musicians themselves, asking what kinds of spiritual influences could have made their way into the music during the creative process and whether I want the essence of that person to influence my life and spirit. This does not leave many good options!

  

So I ask for something besides the Christian copies of mainstream styles, which one writer describes as those that “have been marketed as though they were low-fat cheese: ‘almost as tasty as the real thing -- and better for you!’”  Every artist has their influences, but I’m not looking for a Christianized version of what’s on the next radio station over. I ask for something that has depth and explores what real humans think about and experience. I ask for that which is Biblical but not canned, that which is real and honest but not hopeless. If a musician wants to worship their Creator in their music, let them do so unapologetically, but let them not ride the wave of the worship album bestsellers. If a believer wants to make music outside of the CCM industry, let them do so, as long as they don’t sell their integrity. 

Is this too much to ask for? Probably. Unless, of course, I were to ask Someone who has the power to inspire today’s musicians and whose creative energy allows all inspirational material to exist in the first place. Maybe I will put in a request…

Deliverance

Your heart has a home in Mine;
come and feel and know
and taste of sweet and ancient wine

I wander near the edge, quiver;
I shake lonely in the cold,
cry deliver.

Come back, come back, into My rest
I have answered before first request

Captivated by the glow
I hesitantly reach out my hand
yet fear to touch from here below.


This dark, this unknowing cloud
is not the cloud that led 
from bondage to promise.

I come, I speak in peace
I silence madness with a breath
for My love is stronger than death.

Take my hand,
a hand that holds the world
After sculpting and firing
and placing on time's table
you wait and watch and  labor
as scripted act.

A comedy, a tragedy
of unrequited love
yet with pleasure I wait for final bow
for I have written the ending.

Feel the pulsing
the rhythm, the beat.
It catches you- you cannot help but move
for it is moving and it moves you
 for I am He who moves.

[7/2/09...2 days before deliverance. Yes, I do realize that I couldn't decide whether it should rhyme or not. Sorry to all you "C's" out there.]

Northeast 2011

Dillon and I are planning a trip.

Psalm 61:1-4

Hear my cry, O God ; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint ; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever ; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah.

The Other "F-Word"

"Feminist writers have been at the forefront of the critique of dichotomous thinking, because their broader concern to develop new understandings of what counts as knowledge. A general criticism of dichotomous thinking is that it 'forces ideas, persons, roles and disciplines into rigid polarities'  and thereby 'reduces richness and complexity in the interest of logical neatness.'"

"A number of new theorists have sought to develop new, non-dichotomous ways of thinking. Although varying in detail, such theories have in common an emphasis on thinking relationally. The relational mode of theorising 'argues for the intellectual and social benefits of recognizing that within each dualism...the relationship, the connection, the interdependence between the two parts is crucial to the character of both parts.' Moreover, it recognises complexity, plurality and heterogeneity, rather than simple mutually exhaustive dualisms."
 50 Key Concepts In Gender Studies- Jane Pilcher & Imelda Whelehan

I drafted this post (which was pretty much just the above quotes) probably two months ago at the onset of my Women's Studies course that I am currently taking.
Women's studies? Why a whole course for women? Why don't they have a men's studies course?
To this I reply that we had much of our past history classes devoted to men's studies. Unless, of course, we were studying the Suffrage Movement or other special era where the ladies were getting feisty.

Throughout my personal history, I have always been feminist-leaning, as much as an evangelical Midwestern girl can claim to be. I remember in elementary school writing stories by myself (during class, as was usually my problem) that often featured a leading female role comparable to Jo March who had an independent spirit and would fearlessly leave everything behind to go take on the world in some unknown place. My friend, Jourdan, and I would co-write plays which we acted out at recess where usually there was a woman or pair of women who were in some state of oppression, such a being forced to work in a Cinderella-esque type scenario or being forced into a constraining societal role like Rose from Titanic. These stories usually included the struggle to break out of these restraints as well them picking up a romantic interest along the way. I'm sure the Disney portrayal of the woman had a lot to do with our perception of the difficult female state, yet I doubt it had everything to do with it.

The question of the proper place of a woman has been a difficult one for me to navigate. It isn't hard to observe the reality of the commonly unfair hand dealt women. Women are not constitutionally guaranteed equal rights seeing how they had to fight for an amendment to be made to get the vote and the Equal Right Amendment never got passed. Statistically, they still make $.77 to every $1 a man makes in a comparable position with far fewer management positions for women. Growing up, and even now, I didn't have to look far to see that often the woman, whether or not she works a full time job, is expected to take care of the home and family, at the very least more so than the man. It's a social expectation for women to do this, whereas when a men does things that are more domestic such as cook, clean, take care of the kids, he's receives praise and accolades for being such a great father.

On the other hand, I concede that not all of what we see as gender roles can be a simple social construction. I keep asking the question: Where is the Creator's design in all of this mess? Clearly He has made women and men to be distinct from one another and has given each of them distinct purposes. It seems obvious that women have a stronger child-rearing role than men simply because of biology and the way babies are carried into the world.Women tend to be more nurturing than most men. Despite this, how much is this generalization used to manipulate women into submission or a passenger seat while male leadership drives society? I thought the criticisms of dichotomous thinking offered by feminist theory were interesting considering the journey many of us have been on, examining the duality in our philosophical frameworks on which we build our realities, rather than the oft-repeated "both/and" phenomenon.

Middle-class woes aside, the modern tragedies of pornography and sex-trafficking industries have dealt a major blow to the face of women's rights. Not to mention female genital mutilation which is forced upon millions of women worldwide. This is happening in the United States among women from these areas. See map below- this practice is interestingly correlated with the places where the Islamic kingdom has spread:

I have found it heartbreaking that many of the women I'm supposed to read for this course start their activism in being pro-abortion rights. This could lead to a long tangent, but it's blatantly obvious at a public university how humanistic assumptions lead to destructive conclusions- for the human spirit and life a whole. Women should have the right to sexual liberation and then the right to erase the life that comes because of it. People should have a right to do all the things that leads to their demise. We demand this. It has been this way from the beginning at the fall that led to eventual middle finger raised to the sky as humanity defied it's holy purposes.

The fall...the fall..."her desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her"...maybe all this isn't so suprising.

This is more of a tangential free-write on feminism inspired thoughts, not really coherent. Sort of like feminism itself. Three different waves, too many different "feminisms" to name here...we still don't know what we want....

Moments

Moments are my favorite things
Things that wrap around us like ribbons
Ribbons blowing in the breeze like sunrise beams
Beams of light in morning remind us of new mercies
Mercies enough for this moment

Breaking up is hard to do'oo...

My bro and I started this blog when I lived in FL to encourage each other to keep writing. He punked out on it a while back and recently ventured out with his own solo project.

Despite this, we still have an amicable relationship on the web. I am plugging a piece of his that he recently posted. Way to go broheim.

Don't I Hold You

The more I learn to hear the voice of the L-rd, the more I realize how much I've always heard it.

About two years ago I was not following the L-rd the way I knew I should. My spirit was starving and I often felt loneliness so cold it cut me to the bones and woke me up at night. Running running running and grasping after things I couldn't and shouldn't have. Longings deep deep inside of me were never satisfied but I would not open my heart to Him.I didn't think I knew how to get to Him.

I was fond of the Elizabethtown soundtrack (and the movie itself, for that matter). One day in my dorm room I was listening to it, and this song came on:

These are the lyrics:
don't i hold you like you want to be held
and don't i treat you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
like i'm in the way
don't i hold you like you want to be held
don't i please you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
like i'm in the way
and wasting too much time
don't i
don't i hold you like you want

sometimes i hold you right
nice and tight
to me most times
on account it's based on need
not selfish greed or pride

don't i
don't i hold you like you want


In that moment, I felt the song was what He was saying to me. I remember feeling like something broke in me and I was crying, but I couldn't believe it was really His voice. It felt too presumptuous or too fictitious to think it was true. I didn't believe it. I wished it was true, I wanted it to be...


I used to be so mad at Him because I felt He could see my struggle and this gnawing thing inside of me and left there utterly alone. I ran a lot then, literally. I hesitate to run these days because it reminds of back then, when I was running on the outside and inside, but not because I wanted to.


A little while ago, I confided in a friend the sadness and loneliness I was feeling at the moment. She said, "Let Him hold you like you need to be held." This immediately hit the rewind button in my mind and brought me back to the moment with the song two years ago. I know now that it was Him, and now I know what He says is true.


I don't blame Him anymore for not breaking through to me during those years. Doesn't He know the hearts of men? Isn't He able to rightly judge them? I explained away His love. I also explained away His instructions to me. In fact, at that time I said in my heart, "I have always done the right thing, I have always obeyed. This time I'm not going to." I wanted to see what would happen. I saw what happened. I'm still recovering and being healed from the effects of those choices. I believe Him when He says that He will repay us for the years the locust ate, the locust he sent among us. But how much better to bind our years to the L-rd? How much better to hold our years as precious possessions and not let any be wasted?


Now He holds me like I want to be held. And I don't ever want to go back again.

What would you do?

http://wimp.com/stealingbike/

One Day

I can't get away from this song these days.



Amen.

Banksy, anyone?

For further entertainment or provocation, see Exit Through the Gift Shop.

The last one is my favorite.

i miss...

sometimes i miss being a part of music-making like a part of me is in a hibernation coma. lately it has been stirring. i miss it more than other things i could be missing right now.

this is what i miss about my old school...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDS96dKzbRU(it's kind of a lame video, but that's the Southeastern Singers)
the guy on keys used to play shows at the cafe i worked at down there and i would wait for hours with my friends before the show so we could have close seats.

i miss worship team in youth group, fine arts festival music, playing flute in marching band and concert band, worship choir at southeastern university, wind ensemble and the soul in the music at southeastern, and more...



i hope (pray) it whistles back at me soon, although id be extra rusty....

A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

I recited this poem for my oral interpretation class back when I was studying English. It moved me, especially because of the dreams that he most likely had in mind as he wrote in the midst of the Harlem Renaissance. I have been thinking about this poem in light of dreams in general- my own dreams, but also the dreams of many of my dear friends and their vision for the city of Merriam. It’s hard for me to watch people I love who have invested much in something so unselfish and not see much of the tangible fruit of what they have been asking and working for. I know that we as humans can’t see the big picture and don’t know what His timing is for things- it’s often different than ours. I get that, but sometimes...I really don't.

I think about this poem I’ve held onto in light of a verse that I’ve held onto over the years:

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay

Habakkuk 2:3

We wait for our deferred dreams, the ones that are of the L-rd.

It’s funny how sometimes people point out verses in the Bible that I know I must have read before, but it leaps out at me as if it had been hiding. One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes, and my brother showed me this verse last night:

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.
Ecclesiastes 5:7

Something I’m chewing on….

stranger than...

I need a good fiction book. Any recommendations?

Norman Walker disciple...to be or not to be?

SO (my mom pointed out how often I begin statements with this conjunction) I have been reading some propaganda in favor of a raw foods diet. A couple of friends and I recently delved into conversation about nutrition, health and the problems with Western medicine. They recommended that I read Norman Walker's books...he's totally their dude and they've been following his diet and health methods for years. One of them used to have bad acne and after a few months of raw foods and fresh juices she saw improvements. She now has completely clear skin. The other used to suffer from fatigue and headaches a lot and now doesn't deal with these symptoms and says she doesn't get sick.

The thing is, I've started reading some of Norm's stuff and I must say it seems shockingly radical upon first hearing. He basically advocates only eating raw fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts, which isn't all that different from many other nutrition articles I've read as far as these things being beneficial. His books talk about how processed foods are deplete of any nutritional value (which is also nothing new) as well as how cooking above 120 degrees Fahrenheit kills off the necessary enzymes and organic properties of living foods. I knew before that the more vegetables were cooked the more nutrients they retained, which is another thing that seems sort of intuitive. But, from this angle, cooked foods are not only lacking nutrients but they are detrimental to one's health.

Another huge point of his, though, is drinking lots of fresh vegetable and fruit juices. He talks about the specific benefits of the juice of each plant as well as mixing them for the purpose of helping certain problems or promoting the health of specific areass of the body. Juicing is important, he says, because some of the nutrients in foods are expended in order to digest the food and takes a long time, whereas the nutrients in the juices can be absorbed within minutes. It is important to juice and drink them fresh, though, because they lose much of their value 30 minutes after juicing.

A major thrust of his teachings are promoting colon health. Walker (not to be confused with Texan law enforcement) argues that 80% of disease finds its origin in the colon. According to his argument, when waste isn't moving through the colon normally, it ferments and putrifies, releasing toxins into the body which cause all kinds of ailments. He talks about how many people's normal diet is largely inorganic and leads to the build-up of slime on the walls of the colon which not only stays there but can block absorption of nutrients. The fibers of raw foods act as an intestinal broom, cleaning this out. He also advocates regular colon irrigations, which is essentially washing out the colon with water to remove waste that has accumulated.

Sounds bizarre, huh? I mean, even besides the colon irrgations, it seems hard to think that the way most people have been preparing food for hundreds of years is actually detrimental to human health. Then again, it make sense that although the human body is very adaptable, we reap what we sow in our old age as all the abuse the body has taken over the years starts to show. We naturally link old age and poor health, but I have heard from a couple places that this is not necessarily true and that a lot of cancers, senility, vericose veins, arthritis and other problems associated with old age are because of poor health choices throughout life. A natural death would then be seen as a short, peaceful death without degeneration over tens of years.

My jury is still out but I am very thoughtfully considering making some diet changes. Norm Walker made it to 99, which is pretty good, seeing as the average for males now is 74.7. I'm interested to hear your reactions.

Progress

If you have a moment, please answer the following question:

What is progress?


(this question was provoked by this art exhibit I heard about in February.)

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Zionism
It is perfectly legitimate to criticize Israel’s policies. Israelis do it all the time in blistering debates. But criticism crosses the line into classic anti-Semitism when it exhibits what Natan Sharansky called the “Three Ds.”

Delegitimization: The Jewish State has no right to exist. Israelis do not belong in the Middle East.

Double Standards: Israel is condemned harshly for self-defense measures and social problems that are seen as acceptable or inevitable in other nations.

Demonization: Through distortions and lies, Israel is depicted as the world’s most evil and dangerous country, and the claim is made that if the Jewish State ceased to exist, the Middle East’s—and the world’s—main problems would be solved.

The Link: Anti-Semitism is hatred for Jews, their communities and their way of life. It includes demonizing and dehumanizing Jews as a group. Anti-Zionism is hatred for Israel, the modern center of Jewish life and continuity. This is why many people claim that Anti-Zionism, or hatred for Israel, is a modern variation of classical anti-Semitism. “Anti-Semitic bigotry is no less morally deplorable when camouflaged as anti-Israelism or anti-Zionism,” according to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.1 People of goodwill must try to see through anti-Israel propaganda in order to foster reasonable dialogue.

1-“Findings and Recommendations of the United States Commission on Civil Rights Regarding Campus Anti-Semitism,” U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, April 3, 2006.

Gravity

The red balloon floats placidly away
Palms empty, open boldly to the sky
The mournful breeze blows soft across this face
Silent eyes pressed closed, not asking why

go tell it on the molehill

cocoon
white room
dusty tormentor
flecks on the floor
forgot the window
again

outside? forest fire.

just:
breathe easy
walk straight
save it for later

Milk Paint

I recently read an interesting article on design*sponge about using milk paint on furniture, a product of which I had never heard. Shortly after, my mom told me about a new (to us) woodworking store that had all kinds of woodworking supplies. "Do they have milk paint?" I inquired on a whim, not anticipating her affirmative answer!

I therefore decided I should try my hand at it with an old end table I've always liked and had been wanting to modify.

the specimen

before the poly coat

the awkwardly angled and lit photo of the finished product

What did the astronomer say he needed when he was dirty and had bad water pressure in his house?

Meteor Shower! (get it? like, "meaty-er shower"...I'll be here all week)

So a big group of us went out to see the meteor shower Thursday night.It was great because all my boys came and a bunch of my friends. We drove out to Louisberg and when I looked at the sky, I thought I was looking at the milky way from a telescope, it was so clear. I didn't really know what to expect, but given the name I imagined millions of flashes of light raining down throughout the night. It was more like catching a glimpse of a shooting stars quite often, which was almost more gratifying because even though they were the reason we were there and staring at the sky, they seemed somewhat unexpected every time. I couldn't help but squeal like a little pansy in wonder sometimes. They seemed so close to our faces. It was amazing.

I dare not try to capture an event like this on a sub-par camera...but we did see this giant preying (praying?) mantis on the way there at the gas station. The picture doesn't quite capture the size, but trust me, this one was a buick.

 

Last week, before I knew about the meteor shower, I was struck with inspiration while I was grinding coffee at work, so I scribbled this little diddy onto a paper towel. I guess it was pretty cool timing...

With glory and beauty He crowns the night
like moments passing
word without song

bringin closing timing
finding lost won
One
voice
voice
singing
praising, crying

often wondering
waiting
for shooting stars
lying face up staring into nothing


Thank you, L-rd, that I didn't have to wait too long, that I can stare into something. I love you deeply, like squeezing and scraping on my insides. You move me to tears every time.Thank you for your patience through my resistance and immaturity. I feel love for you even as you wear a veil...please let it not be for too long...

22 candles

I am a very special girl. I pretty much got four celebrations for my 22nd birthday. First was a spectacular surprise by my small group (headed up by Jess), then pies at KL the  night before, then my actual bday (everyone came to see me at work, then lunch with my mom, present from Bill, then dinner with Jess, Ang and Aliyah), then my family birthday picnic a week later (I wanted to wait until my bro got back from CO- he's one of my 2 fave brothers.). Needless to say, I felt like the center of the world for a little while. I'd like to say I felt uncomfortable and wanted it to stop because I'm so selfless, but....it was great fun. :) The picnic was a great climax because I planned out the menu in advanced and my mom and I spent all afternoon cooking/preparing. I even made homemade ginger ale with strawberry consumme! (thanks design sponge.)

The boys had a good playing tru fris as  my mom and I got the table ready, although the weather felt like vietnam....

...I didn't mind, though. I was caught up in the romanticism of the moment. I love this particular place at shawnee mission park, and the picnic turned out just how I wanted it with festive foods and drinks and everyone playing.

Then we had my mom's banana cream pie and I got to do candles and everything (in regard to the sweat stains, see aforementioned weather conditions).

Ol' Granny McHolzhueter had her unmentionables in a bunch, as usual.

Just candid.

 All that said, I had a wonderful 22nd observation of my life. I got many great presents including a watch (ironman triathalon timex from bill which I proceeded to lose a few days later, and after a few days and a few tears, recovered), a spray painted card by my littlest bro, an original art piece and iron & wine cd from Dillon, a bunch of things from my parents which were everything I needed and would have asked for had I made a list...and finally (drum roll, please)....ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE! This was very big and completely unexpected, but was something I really wanted, but I didn't know how I could swing it financially. A HUGE blessing! Thanks mom and dad. I was speechless.

This concludes perhaps the most narcissistic post in the history of blogger. Thanks to everyone for a great bday.